From Eden
by ameldinewrites
Summary: When Bella passes away unexpectedly, the agony of her death sends Renesmee to the one place Bella had ever called home-Forks. Renesmee tries desperately to understand her mother's past and the place she left behind all those years ago, including her mysterious high-school best friend, Jacob Black. (Full summary inside, Cullens are human, wolves still exist. M for language.)
1. Summary

p class="p1"strongStory Synopsis:/strong/p  
p class="p1" /p  
p class="p1"When Renesmee Cullen's mother passes away unexpectedly, Ren is left in overwhelming agony. In a desperate attempt to hold onto the last memories of her mother, Renesmee returns to Forks to spend time in the sleepy town where her mother fell in love, connected with Charlie, and met her best friend, Jacob Black./p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p2"Renesmee may find a little relief from her grief in Forks, and may even fall in love, just like her mother did — unless the secrets from Jacob's past and present tear them class="Apple-converted-space" /span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p2"strong[Cullens/Swans are human, Jake is still a wolf.]span class="Apple-converted-space" /span/strong/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p2" /p


	2. Chapter 1 - Suddenly I See

Just something I've been working on and couldn't get my mind off of! Hope you enjoy.

 _Chapter 1 -_

The sunlight was flashing across my face in patches as I sped down the highway, away from the town I'd grown up in. Every now and then I caught my reflection in the windshield, my red-rimmed eyes, and pink-tipped nose, the look of heartbreak in my eyes. I was listening to Billie Holiday on the cassette player in my old car in homage to my mother, and though I was doing it to feel her near me, somewhere close, I had never felt more alone in my entire life.

Yesterday, I had buried my best friend, the only person who had ever understood me. I had stood alone beside my grandmother and her husband, mad as hell at my father for not being beside me. They had lowered her into the ground and left me without anyone to love, to need, to watch Gilmore Girls with. I had never missed anyone so much, never felt a grief so deep it made my bones ache, not even when my father had packed up his belongings and moved to Italy on my fifth birthday, perfectly fine with drifting to the background of my life.

My father, the thought of him now made me shake with anger, though his loss had never particularly bothered me much before. But he should've been there, because I know he had loved her at one point, enough to run off with her after their senior year and elope. And he should've been there for me—his only daughter. But now I was driving far, far away from him and the big city that had once been my home. I had only one place that I could hope to find my mother in, pieces of her now, but they would be more pieces than I would've had in San Francisco.

So I kept driving, even when my tears filled up my eyes and made it hard to see, all the way to Forks.

—

I arrived at Forks at sundown. It was as my mother had said, "tiny, sleepy, and always on the verge of raining." I rolled through the main part of town with my windows down, letting the summer air into my car. It wasn't warm by any means, and the gathering clouds above looked as if they were about to unleash the storm that had driven Noah to build his ark. Even the people I passed looked as if they were waiting to be awakened, they turned their eyes to me with half-drooping eyelids that didn't suggest I was anything they were too interested in, just another brown-haired, brown-eyed girl in a decrepit truck they'd seen rumbling down the main street twenty-three years ago.

By the time I got to Charlie's house the clouds had opened up, and the drops that splattered down were the size of quarters, thick like crocodile tears. Charlie was sitting on the porch waiting for me, his new—well, new to me—wife, Sue, besides him. I pulled the truck behind his cruiser and grabbed my suitcase from the seat beside me, deciding not to fuss with the extremely finicky cab cover I'd laid over the rest of my stuff at the last minute. Charlie stood as soon as my door swung open and rushed (more shuffled quickly) towards me as I pulled the suitcase behind me.

"Guess I got the proper Forks welcome, huh?" I asked him. I felt a pang of guilt for the look of relief that flashed on Charlie's face before he smiled sadly.

"God, kid, you've grown." And that was Charlie's way of telling me how much he'd missed me. I stepped closer to him then, wrapping my arms around his round belly before pulling away. That was my way of telling him I'd missed him.

Sue was standing too, now, though she looked nervous and worried. "I'm so glad you made it safely, Renesmee. I told Charlie he should've come and got you himself." Then she was hugging me, and I was surprised to find that I didn't mind it that much, despite the fact that the Swans (and the lonesome Cullen) had never been big huggers. "I made you a huge dinner—vegetarian, of course—eggplant parmesan and rosemary bread. I hope that's ok?"

I didn't have the heart to tell her that I detested Italian food, so I just smiled and nodded that it was fine and tried to reassure myself that I would not be poisoned by a harmless eggplant parmesan and that Italy had done nothing to me, it was just the man who had fled there had.

As Sue bustled off to the kitchen, Charlie rang his hands anxiously, pausing at the bottom of the stairs, my suitcase now in his hands. "You could stay in Seth's room if you wanted, I just thought you might want to be in your mom's old room, you know since it's how she left it and all."

My heart broke for him. My mother had left him without warning and returned with someone who would eventually convince her to leave Forks without warning again. Instead of telling Charlie I was sorry, I asked him who Seth was and told him that I would like to stay in her room.

Charlie told me as I followed him up the stairs that Sue had two children, Seth and Leah, though we wouldn't see much of Leah as she was on a three-month camping trip with some people from the Rez. Why Seth hadn't gone, Charlie didn't explain, just stopped his story with an uncomfortable smile before opening my mother's bedroom door.

"Well, here it is."

I wanted to cry as I stepped into the room, as it smelled exactly like my mother's favorite strawberry shampoo and reminded me all too much of her. It was warm and cozy, sprinkled with books in every conceivable space, from the corners of the room to the top of her old dresser.

"You can stay in Seth's room if you'd like. He won't be home until tomorrow."

"Leah doesn't have a room?" I asked, facing away from him. I didn't want him to see the look on my face or the tears in my eyes.

"She lives on her own with some friends."

"Oh. No, I'll stay in here. I'll be down in just a minute, just need to wash up before dinner."

He left then, taking my cue that I needed a moment to myself. I didn't want Charlie to know how much it hurt to be so close to her things, or he might've forced me to sleep in another room. But at the same time that it hurt, it also felt like I was finally coming up for air after a long moment at the bottom of the pool.

I closed the door and unzipped my suitcase, taking out first my favorite picture of my mom and I. She'd taken it herself in front of the Golden Gate Bridge. Both of our cheeks were pink from the wind and the cold air, and we were laughing at how we were so cold that our teeth kept chattering, which was how my mother had caught us—mid-laugh, our eyes screwed shut and our mouths pulled into wide smiles. I wiped my eyes as I sat it on the nightstand. There was a picture of her and my father, but I turned the picture facedown so I didn't have to look at it.

Then I went to the small little bathroom next door and splashed my face with cold water, hoping that Charlie and Sue wouldn't notice my wet eyelashes and puffy face.

Sue had done a really wonderful job of trying to make me feel welcome, really. I appreciated it, even though I didn't really know how to tell her I did. Charlie chatted to me about some local happenings, though I missed half of what he and Sue said, as the only thing I could think about was how my missing other half was hundreds of miles away from me, in the cold ground. If Sue and Charlie noticed I wasn't really there at dinner, they didn't say anything, just continued on like everything was ok. I wanted them to know I was—or would be—ok, that I really didn't need to be watched and hovered around or worried about.

I even stayed and watched TV with them for a while, trying to make conversation with them. They asked me about school and what my plans were now that I'd graduated from college. I didn't really have any, though I now had a degree in English and History. Useless. They told me I didn't need to worry about anything serious yet, to give myself the summer to do what they called—tentatively—"regroup"ing. After I felt I had nothing left to say, I dismissed myself to bed, giving Sue a hug and Charlie a kiss on the cheek.

I felt that I had done a good job convincing them I'd be okay, but as I was leaving the bathroom after brushing my teeth I heard Sue tell Charlie, "I haven't seen someone look so heartbroken since Jake saw Bella return with a ring on her finger."

So I was as transparent as I had feared I was, with nothing to say of Jake, who I figured was Jacob Black, my mother's childhood, and high-school best friend. I opened my mother's drawers to put away some of my clothes before I headed to bed, surprised when I found a few of her sweatshirts and t-shirts left behind. They hadn't been touched in probably two decades, but they lingered with her sweet scent and I pulled a ratty La Push sweatshirt over my head, remembering how she used to tell me about her adventures on the reservation. She still had more left to enjoy, but my father had gotten in the way, and then I had, too. She'd been so, so young when she'd found out she was pregnant with me, only 18.

I went to sleep with her hoodie still on, wrapped up in her old purple sheets. The bed was lumpy as hell, but I couldn't remember a time I'd felt more comfortable. Soon enough I was far away from everything. Sleep was a nice break from the constant grief, though sometimes it followed me even there, littering my dreams with visions of my mother from inside her casket, suddenly coming alive and trying to claw her way out, her face full of terror and sadness.

That night I dreamed we were in my truck. I was driving, and she had her feet up on the dashboard like _she_ was the teenager. I was laughing, asking her where we were going, and she was twisting the huge map in her lap all over, laughing too. Her voice was so clear as she told me she didn't know how to read maps, then let the leafy piece of paper go, its billowing form flying from the window and freezing in the air behind it as I drove on through a road neighbored by the shore. "Mom!" I'd cried, reaching too late to catch the map, my fingers grasping only air.

"Oh, Ren," she had said, twisting her fingers through my hair, "we don't need a map. We have each other and the whole world. You can't be so scared of it. We'll find our way,"

I woke up crying, missing her so much. Her voice had been as if she was actually beside me, and for a moment it hadn't felt like a dream at all. It was still dark outside as I waited for the intense moment of grief to pass, and as I cried I watched the sky turn from the color of the bottom of an inkwell to the color of a purple bruise. I could no longer stay in bed, so I dressed in something to walk in, a pair of thermal leggings and a fleece lined jacket over her hoodie, with rain-boots and thick socks. I didn't exactly know where I was going, but at the same time, I did.

My feet took me out to the back of Charlie's house and into the woods, where the forest still looked like it was the middle of the night. It was dark, but I didn't feel scared or worried like I had thought I would, or should. There was a worn trail already like someone came through here often. I wondered distantly if Seth and Charlie went hunting a lot in their woods, as the underbrush I could make out looked trampled on, despite the clear-cut path under my feet. I followed the path as if it had been cut from the same lines on the palm of my hand, my grief and sorrow ebbing away the deeper I went into the woods. It felt like I belonged here, as I drew deeper into the heart of the dark forest.


	3. Chapter 2 - Have You Ever

Here's chapter 2! I hope you enjoyed chapter 1. This fic definitely has a slower pace, so if you're a fan of slow-burn fics this will be right up your alley. Enjoy.

 _Chapter 2 -_

I couldn't even feel the cold, biting air anymore, just an overwhelming feeling that I was incredibly close to finding a cure for my grief and sorrow. The path led to a jutted cliff that ended suddenly as if it had been more once and now was less. I stopped a few feet from the cliff's edge, watching the slopes of the mountain ridges and their peaks. I decided I would sit and watch the sunrise come up, even though the darkness that lingered in the sky still told me it could be hours before the sun climbed the mountain backs, or it managed to light up those troublesome black clouds.

I breathed out, watching a puff of hot air appear in the darkness before me. The feeling of peace didn't leave as I sat and waited for the sun, just shifted, as if it were tethered to something not so far from me. I wondered if it was my mother, not that I had ever believed in ghosts or anything, but it was nice to think that she was nearby, watching me. It was the first time since she had passed that I felt I had managed to do something right in my life.

Forks could be a good thing, I told myself. Maybe this would be a clean slate.

I must've waited forever for that sun to come up, because I woke up with a pair of eyes leaning over me, black as the night sky with just a hint of brown. They were somehow familiar to me, and I realized how I knew them just as the man they belonged to figured out how he recognized me.

"You must be Seth," I said at the same time he said, "You must be Renesmee."

That was all it took for Seth and me to become friends. He helped me to my feet as I turned back to face the mountain ridge, the sky much lighter now, grey clouds dotted with black taking the place of the violet I'd fallen asleep to.

"Damn it," I muttered, sighing. "I'd hoped to catch the sunrise."

Seth grinned apologetically. "You won't catch most of those, here. Clouds usually get in the way."

"Maybe I'll catch one by some miracle," I told him, smiling easily. I was surprised when it wasn't one of those forced smiles I'd had to give to Charlie and Sue. I fell into place beside Seth as we walked the path back towards the house.

"Just out of curiosity, how did you know who I was?" He asked, swinging his arm beside mine.

"Ah, that's easy," I told him, grinning. "Your eyes are the exact same as your mother's."

"Ok, I guess I do _kinda_ look like her."

"I could ask you the same," I told him, nudging him in the ribs. I realized after I'd done so that the action should've felt strange considering we were still almost strangers, but Seth felt more like my brother or something, though technically he was my uncle. "But I won't, because I already know I'm the spitting image of my mother."

"I actually only saw your mom once." He confessed, looking ruefully pleased that I hadn't figured out his trick yet.

"So how did you know who I was?"

"You were wearing Jacob's sweatshirt. I reckoned Bella might've still had it somewhere." The fact that I was wearing an older man's sweatshirt made me blush and rush to take it off. Seth's hands stilled mine, pushing the hoodie back over my stomach. "Don't worry about it. Jacob doesn't—wouldn't mind. It's more Bella's than his anyway."

"Ah, the elusive Jacob Black." I murmured as we wound around a bend in the path. The morning birds were awake and chirping away, their songs passing from one to another.

"So you know who he is?"

"Well, yes. Why do you sound so surprised?"

"It's just that when Bella left with Edward," he pretended not to see me wince, "she broke Jake's heart pretty bad. I guess I'd thought she wouldn't have talked about it much."

It was quiet for a moment. "Besides Charlie, Jake was pretty much all she talked about from this place. I feel like I know him, that's how much she talked about him."

All Seth could manage was a quiet "huh", like it had never occurred to him that my mother had cared for Jacob, despite the fact that she'd left him for my father. I felt sorry for my mom, and Jacob too. She'd never tell him how much she cared about him now. I turned my face up, towards the sky, to look at the tops of the trees. I guess it was my job to tell him that she never gave up on him.

We entered the house through the back door, heading straight into the kitchen. Charlie and Sue were in the middle of a tense conversation that stopped abruptly as I followed Seth in through the door. At their simultaneous looks of relief, I felt a pang of guilt, realizing I had been the cause of their worry.

"I'm sorry, I went on a walk this morning. I should've left a note."

"It's ok," Sue said, though she had an expression on her face that said it clearly wasn't ok.

"We were so worried about you. I thought—" Charlie stopped mid-sentence as if he couldn't admit that he'd feared I might've gone and left too without warning. For once I hated that I looked so much like my mother, for I was obviously dredging up some old feelings for Charlie. I briefly wondered how long he'd stayed awake last night, listening for the creak of a floorboard and the startup of the truck.

"Caught her trying to wake the dead with her snoring." Seth joked as I sent him a look of gratitude.

"You were sleepwalking?" Sue asked, going pale for a moment. I could see her thinking, _great, another thing I've got to worry about_.

"No, no. It was just so peaceful outside that I dozed off for a few moments. Not long," I emphasized, feeling like I was a child again, on constant watch.

"Well, you really should be careful out in the woods," Sue told me as she cracked an egg over a frying pan. Seth and Charlie met eyes for a moment, and I felt as if I was on the outside of a big joke.

"Why, is the big, bad wolf going to eat me up if I stray from the path?" Seth flinched at my question, though I couldn't understand why. So I leaned over to him with wide eyes and asked if they had an actual wolf problem. He chuckled then, raising his coffee mug to his lips.

"Something like that," he whispered smugly.

"All joking aside, please be careful in the forest, Renesmee. There have been a few problems with the wildlife. The animals have been spooked these last few months and acted unnaturally aggressive and come closer to the residential areas." Charlie used his sheriff-voice to tell me this, and I shrank a little in my seat.

"Yes, sir." I saluted, trying to lighten the mood.

We ate breakfast together, with Seth looking like he would fall asleep at any moment while also shoving his mouth full of food ravenously. Charlie was in uniform, everything except his belt on. I learned a little bit about their daily routine, as Charlie went to the station every day, Seth worked at a mechanic shop closer to the Rez, and Sue took care of most of the household chores. As soon as breakfast was over Seth excused himself to get some sleep before his shift, as apparently he'd been on some kind of "run" last night and stayed up all night. Charlie buckled his belt around his waist and kissed Sue on the cheek before embracing me quickly.

Then he was gone, and it was just Sue and me, awkwardly trying to find a way to not be in each other's way. I helped her wash and dry the dishes but felt I was slowing her down, so afterward I told her I was going into town to look for a job. I was also going to look for somewhere to stay, as I felt like an intruder in Charlie and Sue's life, and didn't know how long I could stay in my mother's room without exploding in grief. I got dressed for the day in jeans, a flannel shirt, and a vest, adding a scarf at the last minute after checking the expected temperature for the day. It was early June, and yet it felt like October back home. San Francisco never got particularly warm either, but there were still some warm days in the small window of summer. It seemed Forks didn't have that, but that was ok. I actually liked it a little.

I went into the main street hoping I'd find some cafe or diner that needed some summer help. It was frustrating. I must have gone inside every restaurant in the Forks radius, or at least I felt like I had. I gave up around lunchtime, deciding that a quick visit to Seth would make me feel a little better. I stopped at a burger joint I had tried an hour earlier, ordering two cheeseburgers and fries, and two milkshakes as well. I got the address for the shop from Charlie, who called as I was walking back to my car, making sure I hadn't run to the forest again, or worse, right out of town.

I liked the drive to the Rez, though it was long. I listened to my mother's favorite jazz tape with the windows partially down, so that the wind wouldn't make the food go cold. The trees were thick along the highway that would take me to the edge of town, but I liked how they made the world feel so small and compact like I was safe in my own little bubble of rain and forest and fog. I was surprised at how big the shop was, considering the little traffic in Forks, and it occurred to me that the Rez might be larger than my mother had remembered it.

I pulled my truck into the parking lot for cars that didn't need service and went inside, a white paper bag and a white styrofoam cup in hand. I asked the girl at the front desk if Seth was around.

She smiled at me kindly and told me she'd grab him from the garage and to make myself comfortable. I smiled back and settled into one of the red-cushioned seats, looking around at the spacious waiting room. There were a few people waiting, their faces buried in magazines or laptops or tablets. A few minutes later the door the girl had disappeared behind opened again, and Seth came bustling out, wiping his hands on a blue rag and smiling widely at me.

"I thought you might need some lunch," I told him, holding up a white bag.

"Job search going that well?" He asked me, motioning for me to follow him.

"How'd you know about that?"

"My mom mentioned it." He told me as we walked into a loud garage, the music from a local radio station blaring over the sounds of drilling, hammering, and the guys talking. Seth led me through the middle of the garage, seeming oblivious to the way the guys quieted down as they watched Seth and I. I blushed, unable to remain unbothered by their eyes on me and the way they were whispering.

When we finally made it through the garage we went through a glass door to a small break room that opened up to another hallway with a series of doors, all of them open except one.

"And you brought chocolate milkshakes? Wow, I wish you'd come here sooner." Seth noticed what he'd accidentally said and went red, putting his hand over mine. "Shit, Ren, I didn't mean it like that. That was thoughtless. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I know what you meant," I told him, trying not to think about the circumstances about why I was here.

"Anyways, my mom mentioned you were looking for a job, so I hope this isn't too forward, but I phoned a friend of mine. Her name is Emily. She owns a bakery on the Rez but she's just had a baby and is looking for some help managing the bakery."

I wanted to tell Seth that I didn't know the first thing about baking, as I'd inherited my mother's awful cooking skills. But he looked so hopeful and proud and I couldn't bear to burst his bubble so I smiled and thanked him. "That was really thoughtful, Seth."

"Don't mention it, you're what, my niece now? I've got to be a good uncle."

I pretended to shudder, just to tease him. "We're like the same age, Seth. That's weird."

"Well, I'm a _little_ older than you," he said, grinning smugly when he refused to answer just how much older he actually was.

"I'll get it out of you eventually," I vowed, stealing one of his french fries.

"I don't doubt that." But he looked grim when he said it, and I felt bad.

"I promise I won't tease you _too much_ about being an old man."

"Oh, how kind of you." He replied before he devoured his massive burger in two bites. I ate much slower, knowing I couldn't pull Seth away from his work forever. As he finished his fries and then his milkshake I asked him all sorts of questions about his life, not minding if I was being a little nosy. He answered them all, but I suspected there was more to his answers than he was giving me.

Then he began to ask my questions, though he avoided asking any related to my mother. I don't if that made it harder or easier for me, but I knew Seth's heart was in the right place so I just kept on answering and joking, ignoring the stab in my chest every time my mother's face popped into my head. Finally, Seth could stay no longer, so I had to let him go back to the garage, where his coworkers were still seemingly fascinated by my existence. Seth gave me a parting hug in the shop's lobby and then I was directed to Emily's.

It was easy enough to get to, as Seth had given perfect directions. I pulled through the Rez, amazed by the change of scenery from dense, wooded Forks to the open beaches of La Push. I tried not to slow down too much as I stared at the huge rock formations in the sea and the jagged beach with overturned tree trunks and logs. I found Emily's little bakery easily enough, as La Push's makeshift main street was not nearly as crowded with storefronts as Forks' was.

I was nervous suddenly, I realized I really wanted this job. Not just because Seth had been so excited to help, but because it felt like it was _right_. Like my life was supposed to be going this way. It was just a summertime part-time job, I tried to convince myself, even though my gut was telling me that this was serious, something along the lines of fate.

I walked in with my worn leather purse under my arm, my scarf pulled tight against my neck. The openness of La Push made it easier for the wind to blow, and it took full advantage of that, blowing straight through me, to my bones. I was relieved at the pleasant warmness that flowed from the bakery as soon as I opened the door. Full of hope and a little bit of fear, I walked to the women behind the counter.

"I'm Renesmee," I told her, smiling. "Seth sent me here to speak to Emily about a part-time job."


	4. Chapter 3 - Sleep On the Floor

It's still just Ren getting used to life in Forks, but we will be meeting Jacob in two or so chapters! By the way, each chapter is named after a song that I feel aligns with the tone of each chapter and overall tone of the fic. This story gets its title from Hozier's _From Eden_ , one of my favorite songs.

Without further ado, Chapter 3!

 _Chapter 3-_

As I started at the bakery the following day, life seemed to ease into a peaceful routine. I worked most days at the bakery, taking orders and helping customers in the front while Emily and her friend from the Rez worked hard in the kitchen. It wasn't too hard, and the customers were kind. When I wasn't at the bakery I was with Seth, who was the closest thing to a best friend I'd ever had (besides my mother). I brought Seth lunch every day, despite the fact that his friends at the garage teased us both about it. I now knew the boys who worked there fairly well. There was a strong bond between all of them, and they seemed more like family than friends.

Despite the constant teasing and nagging from his friends, Seth and I felt nothing for each other except for the closeness two siblings might feel for one another. We spent our free time together, on First Beach or on my favorite path behind Charlie's house. I learned so much about Seth and his life in Forks during that first, quiet month of June. He and his sister, Leah, were once close but had now drifted apart because of their father's death. Seth couldn't speak of his dad without sounding as if he would burst into tears, and so we bonded in our mutual grief.

If I wasn't with Seth then I was with Charlie and Sue, helping them around the house, or taking fishing trips with Charlie while Sue tried to teach me a few basic recipes. The more time I spent in Forks, the more I came to love it, to need it. Charlie told me stories of my mother as a child, about her laughter, her humor, her dancing in a few ballet pageants. I felt desperately sorry for Charlie, for the daughter he had loved more than she'd known. Most nights I found myself reading my mother's old books, tracing their cracked spines as I consumed them hungrily, needing to feel close to her again. I couldn't help but wonder why she'd ever wanted to leave this place behind.

If I wasn't with Seth or at home with Charlie and Sue, then I was bopping around Forks, trying to visit the places I'd heard my mom talk about so often. I visited her old high school, though the doors were locked and I couldn't go in, just walk around and sit in the empty parking lot, imagining her walking around with her friends. I visited Newton's Outfitters too, speaking to the owner about what she'd been like in high school. He was friendly enough, though he seemed bitter that she had left town with my father. I tried to find all the places she had loved, all the places she'd talked about with fond remembrance, though the places to go in Forks were hard to come by as it was, and I finished the Bella Swan Tour of Forks pretty fast. I knew Jacob would probably be the best way to find out more about my mother's life here, but he had gone on the hunting trip with Leah, and they wouldn't return until right after July 4th.

It was funny how fast those June weeks passed by as soon as I stopped worrying about time and how much of it I had. The summer seemed endless. I enjoyed the days that I could, when I wasn't weighed down by crushing grief, though my sadness seemed noticeable to almost everyone. Seth and I attended nearly every bonfire on First Beach, and I noticed that he seemed to need the constant distractions as I did. We were restless, constantly on the move or out of the house, neither one wanting to settle for too long, to let our minds wander to dark thoughts. We kept each other occupied, finding places to hike and explore every weekend.

At the end of June, we planned a trip to stay at a mountain house up in Olympia, with me, Seth, the girl from the shop, Claire, her boyfriend Quil, Embry, and a few others and their girlfriends. We planned to stay for a few days and celebrate the fourth of July while the garage was closed—a rare occasion, I was informed. Everything was falling into place. I had friends, though I was only really close to Seth and the girl, Claire. But it didn't matter to me that I hadn't become a member of the family yet, I was just happy that there were people to spend time with and feel like a normal young adult with.

We were sitting down at dinner with Charlie and Sue when Seth and I told them about our plans.

Charlie looked extremely pleased. "The place your dad used to stay at when he'd go on those long fishing trips?"

"Yeah," Seth smiled, though it was still etched in sadness. I bumped my knee against his under the table.

"How many people are going?" Sue asked, acting like Seth and I were teenagers still, instead of adults.

"Ten, I think." At her expres,sion Seth sighed, "Mom, we're not teenagers. Somebody's got to use the house, you know?"

"I know. I think it's good that you guys are going up there, just be careful."

"Ok, yeah." Seth and I said at the same time before turning to grin at each other wickedly.

After dinner I helped Sue clean the dishes, then Seth and I went for a walk through the forest.

"I think it's time I got my own place, and you, too." I told him as we disappeared into the vibrant trees.

"Yeah, I know. I didn't want to hurt their feelings because I know they get lonely."

I sighed. I didn't want to leave them alone either and make them feel like I wasn't grateful for all that they had done, but I knew that they would be ok. "They have each other, and we can always visit. How about when we get back we start looking for places?"

I knew Seth was eager to get out of Charlie and Sue's crowded house, I knew he hated being away from the Rez, just as I hated their constant hovering and the way I couldn't feel like an adult. I'd never lived on my own before, not even in college. But my mom had been a different type of parent, one who gave freedom without argument and let me have the space I needed. I don't think Sue had been the same way with Seth or Leah, and it probably wasn't going to change now.

We continued down the path, talking about a movie we'd seen the previous night, one that was supposed to be scary but ended up making Seth and I laugh. We were due to see another cheap horror movie sometime with Claire and Quil, but I kept putting it off. Maybe I was reading too much into things, but I felt it would be like an unspoken double date, and Seth and I had no interest in dates, with each other, at least.

We sat down at the cliff's edge and watched the clouds become darker as the sun, somewhere far off and hidden behind them, disappeared into the ground.

"I like it here," I said without thinking, talking more to myself than to Seth.

"Me too. Home is a nice place to be."

I thought about that. Forks wasn't quite my home yet, no matter how fond I was of it. I still felt like a visitor, an outsider to this place, despite everyone's help to feel at ease. I knew what would make me feel at home here, someone who could've made me feel at home in the middle of hell, but she was long gone now, buried beside the bridge we loved to visit so much. I sighed sadly.

"You'll find it, too, Ren." Seth promised, taking my hand in his. "I know it."

I nodded silently, too full of grief to speak. At last, I did speak, but only to tell him that Charlie and Sue were going to start worrying soon. He helped me up and gave me a warm hug, one that smothered me and almost suffocated me. "You walk on back to the house, I've got to help Embry tonight."

"Ah, the secret ninjas are at it again, huh?" I called Quil, Embry, and Seth the 'secret ninjas' because they were always running around together, disappearing at night and talking in hushed voices when they thought nobody would notice.

He gave me another mysterious smile and winked. Boy, did Seth love to rub it in that they had a secret I didn't know about. I waved to his back as he ducked under a branch and dissolved into the dark forest. I could've sworn I heard a distant _whooshing_ sound a moment later, as if, out of nowhere, a strong gust of wind had appeared in the forest and taken Seth with it.

I watched the spot he had disappeared through, debating wether or not to follow him. What would I discover? Seth and his friends had a secret _Dungeons and Dragons_ club that was strictly no-girls-allowed? I laughed to myself, figuring it was probably just guy stuff, talking about girls and cars and sports. I turned around, in the direction I knew would take me to Charlie's house.

As soon as I got inside I plopped down on the couch beside Charlie, reaching my hand into the bowl of popcorn on his lap. "Sorry," I smiled as he caught me shoving a large handful into my mouth.

"Listen, Ren," they'd all gotten around to calling me that, as apparently my name was sort've a mouthful. "I'm really happy that you're doing well here."

I smiled, feeling uncomfortable, though. Charlie looked awkward as well, as if he was embarrassed to be talking to me about feelings. "Why do I feel like there's a 'but' coming up?" I asked, making Charlie chuckle.

"There's no 'but'. That's all, I'm just happy that you seem to be doing ok."

Even after trying my best, Charle was still convinced I was only "doing ok". He knew I wasn't happy, and I didn't know if I'd ever convince him I was, or at least would be.

"I'm trying to find it, Charlie." He asked me what it was. Home, I replied softly, watching the rain begin to drizzle outside. I wondered vaguely why Seth had walked all the way to La Push with the threat of a storm lingering in the air.

hmm... why would Seth run to La Push ? (;


	5. Chapter 4 - Fresh Pair of Eyes

Guess who's in this chapter?!

 _Chapter 4 -_

We left a week later for the Clearwater's old lake house. Seth, Embry, Jared, and I rode in Seth's truck, with me sitting shotgun, though I'd had to fight for it. I liked when the guys treated me like one of them, for it made me feel like I had my place in their lives.

Embry dug his foot into the back of my seat, making me turn around and grab his calf. "Don't do it, Embry. You'll regret it."

"You only got to ride shotgun because our dear _Seth_ has a _little_ crush on you,"

I rolled my eyes, sneaking a look at Seth's red face. "No matter how much you guys tease us, for the last time, Seth and I are _just friends_ ," I told them, laughing.

"Whatever you say, Ren." Quil laughed as if he knew better than I.

I turned my face to the window then, watching the dark trees fly by the window. I asked Seth if my mother had ever been to the lake house, and Seth didn't think she had. I wondered if she'd ever had the opportunity, and then thought darkly about how many things she'd missed out on because of my father. I fell asleep as Seth's truck climbed the heavily wooded mountain roads, Embry and Jared's booming laughs becoming background noise as my eyes shut.

I woke up as Seth pulled the truck into the steep, sloping driveway. The lake house was idyllic, set before a dense patch of forest and made of wood with a tin roof. I liked it instantly, felt almost at home. I exited the car slowly, staring up at the house with fond eyes. Seth came to stand beside me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

"Yeah, I know," he murmured like he understood every exact feeling I had about the house.

The week we spent at the Clearwater's went by in the blink of an eye. We spent our days floating down the river or trying furtively to sun ourselves on the riverbanks. It was a chilly sixty degrees most days, but none of the boys seemed to notice or mind as they took full advantage of the proximity of the river to go in board shorts without shirts. Claire, Kim, and I worked well together preparing most meals and our partnership blossomed into close friendship over the course of that trip.

The boys made a fire every night, where all of us gathered to roast marshmallows and talk, or sometimes Embry or Quil would tell legends of the Quileute tribe, though I'd been told that Jacob or his father, Billy, told them best. As someone who'd never heard them before, they were magical and captivating, even in their sub-par versions from Quil and Embry.

The whole world seemed to disappear up at the lake as if it boiled down to just that acre of land that Seth's great grandfathers had managed to find. We watched the fireworks of all the lake-dwellers from the lake house porch, despite the cold temperatures. I sat between Seth's legs, a blanket pulled over my shoulders. Seth was only in a short sleeve t-shirt, so I had pushed and pleaded to get him to cover up with the blanket as well, but he seemed at a perfect temperature and not the least bit cold.

I laid my head back on Seth's chest and watched the sky explode in a spectacular display of colors, that when gone, left the sky smoky and scarred as if it had just endured a great battle. I watched Claire snuggle into Quil's chest, watched him look at her with the most tender look I'd ever seen, a look that left me feeling as if I was an invader in a most private moment. To my left, Jared was looking at Kim the same way, and suddenly I realized that with the exception of Embry, Seth and I were the only people not gazing lovingly at each other or locked in a fiery embrace.

I felt happy for my friends but overwhelmingly lonely. It was stupid, I thought. I was so blessed already to have such amazing friends and Seth, who cared for me like his own sister. But the seed of sadness had already been planted, and the remaining two days afterward were overshadowed by that blossoming lotus of sadness inside my chest.

We left the lake on a Friday morning, two days after Independence Day. I let Embry have shotgun this time, and watched the Clearwater's amazing lake house disappear from view as we thundered down the mountainside, all of our carefree bliss fading rapidly. We were headed back to responsibility, routine, and for me — fate.

It was a few days after we'd gotten back from the trip that I was bringing Seth and the boys lunch when I noticed an unfamiliar truck in the employee lot. I gathered the eight or so sub sandwiches Emily and I had made together, chatting about the things we'd seen on the news and the new words her daughter, Amber, had recently learned. I adored Amber and watched her often for Emily and her husband, Sam. She was the sweetest child, very obedient and quiet and we got along quite well.

I had a basket of sandwiches and chips and two gallons of iced tea in my arms when Embry met me halfway across the parking lot, offering to help me carry lunch inside. He was very chatty and upbeat, talking about a movie he was taking one of the Rez girls to see that night.

"You're awfully happy today," I pointed out, grinning.

"I'm just glad everyone is back together," he admitted as we reached the door to the garage. I was welcome enough now to come through the employee entrance, a little allowance that reminded me how much I was a part of everything now.

"I was only gone for a few hours," I teased.

"I actually wasn't talking about you, doofus."

I waved to Jared and Brady, who were looking extremely happy as well. The other guys must already have finished their designated cars and were waiting on lunch in the break room, as the garage was empty save the other two, who were now washing their hands and joining us.

"Oh. What do you mean then?"

"I mean Jacob and Leah are home. They're here now, actually,"

Oh. I paused in my tracks, stopping short. So he was back in town, and he was right through those doors. It felt weird. I'd waited a month to meet the man who'd been my mother's other half—like me. Would I be meeting a living piece of my mother? Did he still care about her? Or would he be angry I'd come here and invaded his life?

"Ren? You okay?" Embry was in front of me now, his hand on my shoulder. "It's just Jake and Leah."

"Oh, that's comforting, Em," Jared muttered, wrapping a muscular arm around my shoulders. "What Embry means is that, well, Jake and Leah are intimidating as _fuck_ , but you'll be fine. They will love you, just as we all do."

I smiled at Jared and Embry, who were looking concerned and protective at once.

"Now woman up, Ren," Embry ordered, squeezing my shoulder.

I took a deep breath. Embry was right. Jacob was only one person. One measly person, I repeated to myself as I followed behind Embry and Jared, even though there was a little voice in my head telling me wickedly that Jacob would never be one measly person.

I had prepared myself for this since I'd arrived in Forks. I'd thought about it obsessively, meeting Jacob. I imagined a tan, older version of Seth. He'd have salt and pepper hair now, and a few markings of age, the way my mother had. I would say a timid hello, and he'd open his arms to me, I'd run to them, finding comfort in the only person who'd ever had their heart broken by my mother as bad as I did.

But that wasn't at all what happened.

Embry opened the door and I heard the guys rush to say hello to me, directing their attention to me instead of the two people in the middle of the room I couldn't make out. My hands were shaking, despite the fact that I was repeating everything that Embry and Jared had said outside. I saw Seth stand to help me, as the guys' attention went back to the figures in the middle of the room I couldn't quite look at yet. I concentrated on setting the two gallons of tea on the break room counter, trying to look as calm as possible. I could feel eyes on my back as I arranged things, wondering if they happened to belong to Jacob.

"Who's this?" I heard a female voice ask. I figured it was Leah, Seth's sister. I hoped on all the stars that she liked me. I prayed as I turned around that my face would look more like Charlie's than anything, as Seth had informed me that as biggest fans go, Leah had not been one of my mother—or my father.

"Jake, Leah, this is Renesmee…" Seth paused and I stared at my feet, praying I wasn't too red in the face. "Um, Bella's daughter."

I looked up then, seeing Leah first. She was Seth through and through, but female. She was beautiful too, in a completely effortless way. I felt a pang of jealousy for an unknown reason that was soon explained when I worked up the courage to look at Jacob's face.

It was audible, his sharp intake of breath. It seemed the room had gone dead silent, and I thought about how stupid I was, being here. What had I thought would happen? I would only be to him a painful reminder of a dead woman.

Then I noticed that the things I had imagined—the greying hair, the beginning traces of wrinkles in the face—were not there. In fact, Jacob looked only a few years older than me. I hadn't expected him to be young, or so attractive. It was impossible, and yet here he was, in front of me. Like someone had pressed pause on him the day my mother left. Had his heart been frozen since, too?

It took me a while to notice the way he was looking at me like I was covered in gold or something. His eyes were wide and full of surprise and something else, too. Something soft and gentle that held me there, in the web of his affection now. I was gone in that one look because it had been the way Quil had looked at Claire that night under the fireworks. I was trapped there, in his gaze. I couldn't understand it and reasoned it must have been his lingering feelings for my mother come to the surface. But there was something deeper inside me that told me no, that wasn't it at all. This was something different entirely, something ancient and pure and new at the same time.

"Wow," Leah said, a bitter tinge to her voice. "You're the spitting image of your mother." She'd twisted the word mother to make it sound like something repulsive and I hated that.

"Leah," I heard Jacob say under his breath. It was a warning and she stopped whatever was about to come out of her mouth, though she still looked pretty pissed. Jacob's eyes hadn't moved from mine yet.

"O…kay. Who wants a sandwich?" Embry asked, moving to put the basket in the middle of the guys' table.

I had to look away first, worried Jacob would snap out of his trance and begin screaming at any moment. I sat down beside Seth, though I was aware of Jacob's eyes on me the entire time as I ate between Seth and Quil.

"Dude, relax. You're gonna scare her," I heard Embry tell Jacob, who only made a growling noise in response.

So that was that. Jacob didn't like having me here. I tried not to let my face betray my emotions as I ate, growing more and more anxious. What would he do? Make me stay away from all my friends? My heart hurt thinking about it, to know that I wouldn't be able to ask him all the questions I wanted to about my mother. The guys were still eating when I stood to leave.

"No, Ren, c'mon. Em isn't going to mind you being gone," Brady protested before the other guys whined.

I tried to be cheery even though inside I was already a pile of sadness again. I wanted to run to my truck so I could cry without anyone seeing. "Amber's teething so I'm sure she's giving Emily a hard time now. I should probably get back and let you guys visit with Leah and… Jacob," It felt odd to say his name like maybe I should've asked for permission. It was obvious that he was the unofficial leader of their whole group, and I felt like I was in the middle of family time.

"Don't go," Seth said quietly, pleading with me.

I gave him a soft smile, putting on my best 'everything is ok' face. "I'll see you at Charlie's."

I waved bye to the guys. It hurt when they didn't jump up to hug and squeeze me like they usually did, but Jacob glared at Embry when he wrapped an arm around my shoulders, effectively ending our goodbye tradition. I tried to tell myself I would see all of them again, that it wasn't the last goodbye.

He hadn't said one word to me yet, and already he was changing everything. I hated him then, I hated the way I could feel him as I walked all the way out to the parking lot, I hated the way he obviously hated me, and if I was honest, I hated my mother—just a little bit—then.

I made it all the way to the truck before I cried. I hadn't been in Forks and felt this miserable since the day I'd arrived. The rain started to fall then, of course, so I let it drown out the sound of my weeping, all the while trying to pull myself together. When my crying slowed, I pulled out of the parking lot. I felt him watching me again as I waited my turn to exit, and when I checked my rearview mirror, Jacob was standing at the backdoor, the rain soaking through his grey shirt. He was staring after me, and I thought of what Sue had said my first night here. She'd told Charlie she'd never look anyone as sad as I did except for Jacob, and there was that same look of heartbreak on his face that I caught on mine sometimes when nobody was looking. The rain fell off his black hair and onto his face and I couldn't tell if he was crying too.

hmmmm... something shady is going on!


	6. Chapter 5 - Featherstone

**here we go! Chapter 5! hope you enjoy!**

 _Chapter 5 -_

I was too scared of Jacob to go back to the garage after that. I tried to tell myself I'd see the guys other ways. I saw Seth, but even my moments with him were becoming fleeting. I spent more time with Charlie and Sue, worked longer shifts at the bakery.

I tried not to notice when the guys waved to me from First Beach as I drove past after work, but I always did, always felt a pang of guilt. Then I would notice Jacob or Leah on the beach as well and my resolve would harden. I walked to that cliff behind the house on my own without Charlie or Sue's knowledge, as they still thought Seth was walking with me. He'd been staying out more, and I'd often sneak into his room early in the mornings to find the bed made, untouched. I worried about him, wondered where he could possibly be. I wondered if he had a girl on the Rez now that he stayed out late with. That thought made me sad, but only because he hadn't told me about her if there even was a her.

I thought about Jacob a lot, even if I preferred not to. I thought about how he had looked at me, I wondered who he spent his nights with. Kim and Claire had said Jacob didn't really have any girlfriends, ever, just a few flings now and then. But I wondered how a man that attractive could keep away from the girls that had to be all over him, constantly. I hated that I thought of him, all the time. I hated that I would think of his eyes at red lights, that I would imagine what his arms felt like late at night or as I grabbed muffins for customers at the bakery. But I hated most of all that I felt I could still feel him as if he had somehow left a stain on himself on my heart.

A week passed, and then another. I missed everyone so much. I imagined what they were all up to, I tried not to think about why they didn't call. Claire texted a few times, but nothing much. It was a Friday night and Emily had given me the weekend off, even though I told her I didn't have anything going on. I was chomping at the bit, cleaning my mother's already spotless room. I'd already finished all her books, reorganized them, and done a load of laundry, and now was anxious, watching Netflix on my laptop even though I couldn't concentrate on anything long enough for it to make sense.

Suddenly my door flew open and Seth and Embry entered.

"Hope you're decent," Seth joked, as I jumped to my feet to embrace him.

"I've missed you both so much!" I nearly yelled, releasing Seth for Embry.

"Where have you been, stranger?" Embry asked, holding me tight.

"Oh, you know, around. Very busy." I lied, hoping they weren't too hurt.

"Well, lunch sucks without you… actually, everything sucks without you," Seth admitted, making me blush.

"Everything sucks without you, too."

"Should I leave and let you two kiss and makeup?"

My hand smacked the back of Embry's head, though he just smiled at me fondly.

"We are here to fetch you for a bonfire, and before you say no, it's mandatory. You haven't been at the last few."

"Well let me see, I was supposed to fly to Monaco tonight but the flight got canceled so you're just in luck," I joked, before a little panic set in. "Will Jacob be there?"

Seth chuckled. "Probably, but who cares? You're our friend. And Jake will come around, just as Leah will."

"Pretty sure Jacob will be _coming_ around very soon," Embry said to Seth.

"Shut up," Seth told him before grinning at me. "Come on, Ren. You can't hide here forever."

"I do not! I hide at Emily's too."

I told Charlie and Sue I would be headed to the Rez and not to wait up. They looked relieved to see me going out with friends.

"Have fun," Charlie emphasized, giving me a reassuring smile.

My palms were sweaty as we climbed into Seth's truck. Embry and Seth made conversation the whole drive over to the Rez or at least tried to. I was a little unresponsive, to say the least. All I could think about was Jacob's eyes the first time we'd met, that glimmer of warmth lingering in the deep brown hue and then how they'd suddenly hardened and whoever I'd got behind them was long gone. There was something inhuman about the way his eyes glowered, something animalistic about them.

I fought with Embry over the music as Seth's truck wound around the tall fir trees that hugged the edge of the highway like a furry coat. In the midst of a radio-war Embry's head suddenly swiveled towards the window. Seth murmured something so quietly I missed it completely, however, Embry nodded solemnly before he turned to roll his eyes at Seth.

I watched the exchange with a confused expression though Embry and Seth refused to acknowledge that anything had happened and a second later Embry had changed the station back to his favorite rap station. Instead of fighting, I leaned back in the backseat with a frustrated sigh.

"Nobody likes a sore loser," Embry teased, sending me one wide, goofy smile.

I stuck my tongue at him. "So what's so special about this bonfire that made you come and drag me away from all my Friday plans?"

"Like you had any," Seth snorted, glancing at me in the rearview mirror.

"Nothing special. We just figured you should be there. You're going to have to get used to being around everyone, anyways."

Seth shot Embry a warning look, though I couldn't figure out what Embry had said wrong.

"This bonfire is going to be a little bigger than the ones this summer since everyone is home now."

"I thought only Jacob and Leah were gone," I replied, confused.

"A few others went with them. You'll meet everyone tonight."

"Don't be nervous," Embry added in a serious tone. "Be yourself—or a little better. We really talked you up. They think that rainbows grow out of your ass,"

I rolled my eyes but smiled nonetheless. Embry was quickly becoming one of my favorite people. It was quiet except for the radio for the rest of the drive. I watched the landscape change from heavy forest to the barren coastline as we barreled along. We passed the last significant portion of the forest and something inside told me we had just entered the beginnings of Quileute land. The sun was stuck between setting and hanging on to its last moments in the sky. Though it was still hidden between clouds it seemed a little brighter here. Or maybe it wasn't the sun at all—maybe it was me who was brighter here.

At last, we were pulling off the steady pavement and onto gravel, which made rocks pop and crunch under Seth's tires. I held onto the handle on the ceiling as we bounced up to a suitable place to park.

"Ready?" Seth asked as he turned the engine off.

"As I'll ever be," I replied in a nervous voice. My body had picked up on my head's notions and my heart had begun to hammer nervously inside my chest.

Seth helped me out from the back of his truck even though I could manage it on my own. Before I could turn towards the smell of smoke and grilled meat, Seth put his hand on my elbow and pulled me to a gentle stop. "We didn't exactly tell _everyone_ that we were bringing you. But I promise, Ren, everything will be fine."

He shouldn't have said that, which I think he realized as soon as the words had left his mouth. My throat was dry. "You mean, you didn't tell Jacob?"

"Sort've, yes—exactly." He looked guilty, and I forced myself to calm down.

"Well, let's just pray he doesn't bite my head off." Something about my hyperbole made Seth bellow, so I figured that was a step in the right direction. "You know he doesn't like me, right?"

Seth gave me an unreadable look. It was something between pity, sorrow, and guilt. "He—" Seth sighed, looking frustrated. He wiped his face with his hand before looping his arm around my shoulders. "It doesn't matter. _You and Jacob should know each other_." I didn't have time to ask what he meant, because he was leading me towards a large group of people, his usual buoyant smile plastered on his face.

"Hello, the party has arrived," he told the group as we approached. I was still tucked under his arm like a timid mouse.

"Ah, we were wondering when we'd see your face around here again, Ren," Emily said, leaning over Sam's shoulder so I could see her smiling face.

She handed Amber off to the woman beside her so she could hug me. She smelled like I did when I got off from the bakery—subtly of vanilla, cinnamon, and sugar. "You are meant to be here," she whispered in my ear before she released me back to Seth. I felt like a child being handed off to various relatives.

I stayed at Seth's side while the rest of the group introduced themselves to me. Some faces were familiar, like Quil and Jared and their respective partners, while some were completely new. I couldn't place my finger on it, but their behavior was surrounded by an air of secrecy. Everywhere I went people spoke to me as if they had some suppressed question or comment on the tip of their tongue.

"Do I have something in my teeth?" I asked Seth as we broke apart from socializing for food.

"Um, no, why?" He asked, slipping a hamburger patty onto my bun.

"Everyone is acting a little weird," I admitted, squirting ketchup on top of my patty. "I mean, they're being so nice, but I feel like I'm missing something."

Seth bit his lip. "They don't know what to say to you about…"

"About?"

"Bella."

"Oh."

He winced. "I warned them not to say anything. I'm sorry. I thought it would be easier."

I rushed forward to hug him with one arm, careful not to spill my plate of food. "Thank you, Seth."

He smiled tightly at me before we went to find seats around the bonfire. I was two thirds into my burger and had drunk half a bottle of beer and was about to ask where Jacob was when a huge truck pulled up into the circle, six boys in the back cab. A second later Jacob leaped from the front seat, his legs hidden in a pair of dark jeans. Leah appeared around the front of the truck seconds later, her mouth set in her usual scowl. Jacob seemed to scope the scene around him for a second before his eyes landed on me. Leah followed his gaze a moment later after she'd said something to Brady. When her gaze fell on me it narrowed and her eyes blazed. She murmured something to Jacob but he didn't seem to hear her.

Instead, he called Seth over. I hoped I wasn't getting Seth in trouble, and it was just as Seth had left that Embry sat down in his spot, putting his full plate in his lap.

"How's it going?" He asked.

"I think I'm getting Seth in trouble." I pointed to where Seth, Leah, and Jacob were having a very animated conversation. I couldn't see Seth's face, but I could see Leah's, and she looked pissed. However, Jacob looked conflicted—somewhere between annoyed and nervous. "Why do Jacob and Leah think they can boss everyone around?" I asked Embry, who gave me a very surprised look from behind a hot dog.

"Well, it's complicated,"

"No, it's not. God, you can be my friends too," I had no idea where my anger had suddenly come from, maybe it had been spurred on by the loathsome glares Leah kept throwing me. As they continued to talk to Seth my anger built, becoming more and more overwhelming in my veins. "I mean, do you let Jacob boss you around like that?" I asked Em a little too loudly. Several pairs of eyes turned to stare at me.

"Renesmee," he murmured in warning. "You don't understand."

"Then tell me. What am I missing?"

Embry's expression instantly made me feel bad. He clearly didn't want to break his loyalty to Jacob and he didn't want to hurt my feelings. It was from that that I knew while Seth and Embry and everyone were my friends—Jacob was their _family_. I knew that from how Seth was standing, letting Leah growl at him even though he'd done nothing wrong. I looked at Embry again, shaking my head. I stood, swayed on my feet a little, then threw my plate away.

I was scared, but I strutted towards the trio in front of Jacob's car, my confidence dwindling with every step I took. Leah's tone suggested nothing short of venom and I shrunk smaller and smaller before I finally made it to where Seth was standing. They were wrapped up in their argument still, so much so that they didn't hear me approach until I cleared my throat. All three heads snapped towards me at the same time. If the circumstances had been different, it would've been funny.

"I, um, I'm gonna go," I told Seth, trying to avoid Jacob and Leah's harsh gazes.

Seth's face fell and his eyes saddened. "No, Ren, c'mon. There's no need to leave. Everyone will behave," his tone changed as he gave Jacob and Leah a warning look.

"No, I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. I'll call Charlie and have him drive me home. Can I borrow your phone?"

Seth shook his head. "If you're going, I'm going. I'll drive, c'mon," Seth had grabbed my hand and started leading me towards his truck when Jacob suddenly growled — the noise was enough to stop me. It was animalistic, primitive, even. I stared at his contorted face, stunned.

"Seth, you stay. Renesmee, you can stay. Leah—behave." Then he stalked away, his shoulders narrowed.

"I knew that would work," Seth whispered devilishly to me. "He can't stand feeling guilty."

Leah scoffed as we passed her, shooting me the ugliest look she could muster. "Don't get too comfortable, _Cullen._ "

Seth tucked me back under his arm and hurried me towards the fire, sending her a glare over his shoulder.

 **Hope you enjoyed this chapter!**


	7. Chapter 6 - Welcome Home, Son

This is the longest chapter so far! Ren and Jacob get quite deep about Bella's passing. Enjoy.

 _Chapter 6 -_

An older man in a wheelchair, who I knew to be Jacob's father, came to sit beside me. He cleared his throat and a silence fell around the circle simultaneously. I had seen Billy at the bonfires before, though we had never met face to face. He had a face like worn leather and it made me trust him. I settled myself under a heavy blanket, leaning my head on Embry's shoulder.

Someone sat down across the way, directly in my line of sat. Their face was drowned out by the fire until a sudden gust of wind made the flames suddenly change their direction. Jacob's eyes were studying me, I realized as his face became clear. I tried to ignore him by focusing on Billy.

"Thank you all for coming tonight as we welcome back my son, Leah, Hunter, and Josh from their hunting trip. It feels very good to everyone with us on this special night." He said, adding a sideways glance in my direction. "We, of course, welcome Renesmee to her first official bonfire with us all." I blushed and nodded, casting my eyes to the ground before glancing at Jacob. He was still staring at me, though the edge of his gaze had softened and the curiosity intensified. Billy began telling the story of how the first Quileute people had come together, a legend rooted in the relationship between man and wolf, man and other men. I stared at the fire as he spoke, his story came alive in the air around us and the figures I saw in the fire.

I admired the way Billy could speak without stumbling, the way he could keep everyone enthralled in his words, even tiny Amber. Billy began to tell the story of a queen's sacrifice and I couldn't help but tear up, even if the stories were legends. It reminded me of my mother, so sensitive to everyone else's needs. I leaned into Seth's chest to hide my face from everyone as Billy continued with the story.

"Are you okay?" Seth asked in my ear.

I nodded against his shirt as I blinked back more tears. I wiped my eyes on my sleeve and sat up, though I didn't remove my head from Seth's shoulder. I closed my eyes, trying to concentrate on Billy's voice above anything else. I could feel Jacob staring at me through the fire.

It wasn't long before I was asleep.

I woke up after I felt Seth shuffle. The fire was down to its last glowing embers and most of the group had gone. A few couples were still dotted around the fire, the quiet murmurings of their conversations intertwined with the lull of the sea.

"Hey sleepy-head," he teased, stretching his arms wide. "Do you want to sleep over at Emily's?"

I shook my head. "No, I don't want to be in their way. Are you going back to Charlie's?"

"No, I have um—"

"Secret Ninja duties," I grinned.

"Right." He replied, smiling as well. "I can call Charlie if you want or I can find someone to drive you home."

I yawned. "I'll find a ride myself. You go on to Ninja club,"

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Believe it or not, I am capable of doing things on my own."

He rolled his eyes but helped me to my feet. "Ok. I'll call you in the morning to see if you're up for a beach day or something."

"Like the actual morning or the afternoon?"

"The afternoon _is_ the morning on weekends."

It was my turn to roll my eyes. "Ok, have fun with whatever you're doing."

Seth gave me a hug before he began towards his truck. I wandered around the abandoned table of food and began packaging things away, tentatively waiting for Quil and Claire to finish kissing. I was in the middle of wrapping the hot dog buns up when a deep voice interrupted.

"What're you doing?" It asked, making my hands freeze on the plastic package.

"Trying to help Kim," I answered, though my voice was hard. "Do you have something against that?"

"No," he replied though his voice was equally as hard as mine. "Where did Seth go?"

"You probably know better than I do," I didn't mean for it to sound harsh, but it was the truth. The way Jacob had talked to Seth earlier made me certain Jacob knew exactly where Seth was always running to. Jacob was suddenly beside me, grabbing empty soda bottles and putting them in the trash.

"Seth isn't being a bad friend. He cares very much about you." I had a slight inclination that Jacob wasn't talking about Seth at all.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because you seem mad at him for leaving."

"The only person I'm mad at is you, Jacob." I had no idea where my sudden surge of confidence came from, only that it made me all the more confident to speak my mind. "Where do you get off yelling at Seth like that, treating him like he's below you?"

Jacob's nostrils flared. "You don't know anything about us. You shouldn't be talking to me about things you don't understand."

I was furious. Every drop of blood in my veins boiled and burned under my skin. "I'm not stupid, though everyone likes to act like I am. I'm capable of recognizing someone who thinks the sun smiles out of their ass."

Jacob's breath was ragged. He was grinding his teeth beside me, and the soda bottles in his hands were crushed by the strength of his grip. "Don't speak to me like that. I do what's right for everyone here."

I snorted, backing away. "Why am I excluded from that? Do you think that it was right to alienate me from Seth and everyone?"

"I don't _know_ you. You don't belong here,"

My face fell just as quickly as he realized what he'd said. Before he could say something else I felt hot, thick tears well up in my eyes. "That's for sure," I told him as I turned away, walking as fast as I could.

I had made it a quarter of the way down the hill when I heard heavy footsteps behind me. "Renesmee!" Jacob was yelling. "Slow down!" He caught up quickly enough despite my quickening pace. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that." I ignored him and walked faster. He walked right beside me, matching my pace. "Oh c'mon. Listen, I've always had a sharp tongue. Gets me in trouble."

I tried to run, but his hand wrapped around my arm, holding me still. His touch unbalanced me. It was as if he had transferred fireworks to my skin.

"Please listen," he pleaded.

I stopped, finally turning to look up at him. "What do you want, Jacob? Wanna rub it in how I don't _belong_ more? As if existing in a world without my mother wasn't proof enough that I don't belong."

"I'm so sorry," his voice was sincere. "You're freezing. Let me drive you home. I promise to be nice."

His sudden mood shift was throwing me off. "I'd rather walk."

"No," He growled, back to his moody self. "You'll catch pneumonia. You're shivering already."

"Funny, I don't remember asking your permission."

"Renesmee, please," His voice was soft again.

"Fine," I grumbled.

We were both silent as we walked back up the hill. Jacob stayed close enough for me to feel the heat radiating from his skin. He never touched me, and I had a distinct feeling he was keeping far enough on purpose. We made it to the top of the hill as the last of the fire died. It was silent on top of the hill now except for the crash of the sea into the cliff every few seconds. I took a deep breath as I followed Jacob to his truck, either we were both going to bite each other's head off or we were going to reach some sort of compromise.

He opened the passenger side door and helped me up, his hand reaching out to me tentatively. As soon as our fingers met, it was as if an electric current was passing through me. I guessed he could feel it too from the way his eyes softened and went all vacant. A second later he cleared his throat and removed his hand, shutting the door behind me.

We were sitting silence as he reversed out of the makeshift parking lot and down the hill one more time, finally on our way towards Forks. "I'm guessing you know the way to Charlie's then," I told him with a shiver.

His hand was instantly on the A/C, turning the heat up as high as it would go and then clicking on the passenger side seat warmer. "Yeah. I usually go up there every couple months to check on Charlie and tune up the cruiser."

"Mom always said you were close to him." He winced at my mention of my mother and I felt bad. "Sorry. I didn't mean to bring her up."

He gave me a sympathetic look. When he spoke, his voice was thick with emotion. "I'm so sorry that you lost her."

There was something about his apology that convinced me he knew exactly what feelings I was having. Jacob might be the only person who I believed knew what it meant to lose her. I turned my head away, wiping my eyes discreetly. "You lost her too."

His hand was suddenly on mine, his fingers warm and strong. I watched our intertwined hands with surprise as comfort and safety washed over me. A moment later I squeezed his hand back. When he removed his hand, I missed his touch. I lowered the heat a little, turning off the seat warmer too. "Pretty warm in here," I whispered, my cheeks burning.

"So, uh, you and Seth are pretty close."

"He's my best friend," I admitted. "Or _was_ until you tried to ruin it."

He frowned. "I really am sorry about what I said. I'm super protective of the pack, we've been through—"

"The pack?" I interrupted.

"What?" He asked, looking confused.

"You said 'the pack.' What does that mean?"

He laughed nervously. "Oh, that—that's just something we always say, y'know, all us rowdy Quilette boys, like a pack of wolves."

I'm pretty sure he's lying. "Ok. Sure."

"Anyways, as I was saying," he pulled to a stop at the last red light in La Push. "I'm not very good at welcoming newcomers. We're a close-knit bunch."

"And I'm an outsider. I don't belong—" he began to drive again, wincing. "Yet," I added after a second of watching his face change from bright green to yellow to dark again.

"Right." He grinned at me for second before turning back to the road. "So you wanted to ask me about Bells…"

I ran my hand through my hair. There were probably a million questions I wanted to ask him about my mother. Which one to start with? I huffed in frustration and shook my head. "Um, ok. So, what is your fondest memory of her?"

He thought about it for a minute, his face flashing through a few emotions. "Probably the time I took her to ride motorcycles for the first time. Your mother had a penchant for getting in trouble. She fell off the damn thing and about near convinced me she had died and then sat right up with the biggest grin on her face and an equally big gash across her forehead."

I laughed. "My mother? Ride a motorcycle?" It seemed impossible. She'd always been so cautious with me, even over the littlest, stupidest things. "She wouldn't let me ride a trike without kneepads and elbow guards, not to mention a helmet that was almost heavier than me." I grinned fondly at my earliest memories of her, running after me as I peddled down our street, shrieking happily.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"How did it happen?"

I sighed heavily, the happiness seeping through me from some invisible open wound. "It was quick. I was at school, I'd been living in a dorm in San Francisco, a few miles from our home. They called me from the hospital. She had fallen in the shower and smacked her head on the tile. They had to run some tests to check for brain damage. She lit up like a Christmas tree. It had taken over her body." I blinked, wiped my eyes and sniffed. "There wasn't much they could do, it had already taken over so much of her body. She begged me to take her home so she could spend her last month or so comfortably. I fought like hell for her to get treatment, but you know Mom—"

"Stubborn as hell," he croaked. I watched him wipe the tear from his cheek. He was an echo of my grief, I felt as though I was staring in the mirror.

"Yeah." I agreed, biting my lip. "So I quit school and took care of her. She was strong as hell, she held on for four months. Towards the end, I don't think she wanted to be here anymore. I think it almost killed me to watch her suffer so long. I know she didn't want to leave me alone."

I let out a long-suppressed sob. Something warm floated over me and circled me. It smelled like cedar and eucalyptus and night air. I realized suddenly it was Jacob, who had pulled over without me even noticing. His hands rubbed circles against my back as I cried. His chest was rising and falling in a pattern of broken and disjointed breaths, he was crying too. When we both had calmed down, he kept me tucked into his chest with his chin on my head. I realized I had never admitted out loud that watching her suffer had been almost as painful as cancer must have been.

"I am so sorry Renesmee. If I had known, I would've been there to help you. There's no reason you should've gone through that alone. I am so sorry you've been on your own."

I wiped my nose with my sleeve. "No, she's my mom. I'm glad it was me and her, even until the very end. Now I get why she loved you so much."

He smiled sadly and released me back to my seat, though I missed his touch, his comfort, and most of all, his warmth. "You probably don't understand why we fell out of contact."

"I know that you were in love with her," I told him as he pulled back onto the highway.

He blushed. "Yeah, I was. Although now I think it was more of some teen fantasy mostly," he gave me a sideways glance. "Don't get me wrong, I love your mother very much. But I'm older now, and I think that I was mostly in love with her like a puppy falls in love with the first person it meets."

I nodded, thinking it over. "Speaking of being older, why do you look _so young_?"

He chewed his lower lip, looking conflicted. "How much did your mother tell you about Quilette people?"

"Not much. Some of the legends that Billy told tonight." I watched him concentrate on the road. "Why?"

He shrugged. "Just wondering, I guess."

Again, I had the sense he was lying to me. "I'm not Seth, Jacob Black, I know when you're lying."

It was his turn to sigh. "Listen, Nessie—"

"Nessie? Do I look like some big, green Scottish monster to you?"

"I can't keep saying Renesmee. God bless your mother for giving you such a long name,"

I rolled my eyes but let it slide. "Go on."

"There are some things that are gonna take time to explain. Things I can't tell you yet, for your own safety." His grip tightened on the wheel and he turned to look me over with an expression that nearly made my stomach bottom out. "And your safety is my first priority."

"But you'll tell me eventually?"

"Yes."

"I guess I can live with that, then."

"What?" He asked, looking shocked.

I shrugged, copying his gesture from earlier. "You're madly infuriating and you confuse the _hell_ out of me. But there is something inside that makes me trust you unconditionally. So if you're saying that you will explain when you can, then I'll accept it."

He grinned. "Thank you, _Nessie_."

"It's _Ren_."

"Maybe everyone else can call you _Ren_ and I'll be the only one who calls you _Nessie_."

I smiled at him as he continued down the road, near the beginnings of Forks. We sat in comfortable silence for the rest of the drive, our arms pressed together. When he finally pulled into Charlie's driveway, I felt as if I was a new person. My spirits had been completely lifted and every feeling of isolation and emptiness had evaporated. "Do you mind if I put the radio on?" I asked after a few minutes.

"Of course not," he replied, nodding towards the stereo system.

I fiddled with the stations for a moment until Adele's familiar voice came lilting through the speakers. It was one of my favorite songs, and I sang along quietly.

"You have a nice voice."

I blushed but thanked him. "I absolutely adore Adele. She's one of my favorites."

He chuckled. "Don't tell the guys this, but I like her too."

I giggled, thinking about how hard I laughed when I had found Seth's secret Adele playlist on his iPod.

"What?" Jacob asked, grinning.

"Ah, Seth would kill me for telling you."

"C'mon. I'm sure I know about it already."

"I don't think you do."

He seemed to find that amusing. "You underestimate how close Seth and I are."

"Oh, do I?"

"Yup." He reached over to squeeze my knee. It felt as if each of his fingers was a taser, sending violent electric shocks up my knee. "Tell me."

I sighed. "I found Seth's Adele playlist the other week. He was pretty embarrassed,"

Jacob laughed loud enough to fill up the car with his throaty rumbles. "Seth's into all that romantic stuff… he's pretty good with girls." He added, giving me a sideways glance.

I groaned at his questioning look. "Not you, too,"

"Not me what?"

I played with my fingers in my lap, avoiding eye contact. "Everyone thinks Seth and I have this like… _thing_ for each other. We're just friends!"

Jacob's eyes widened. "Woah there Nessie, all I was saying is that Seth is quite the flirt."

"Sorry," I apologized, feeling embarrassed. "Quil and Embry tease me relentlessly about it." Suddenly I had my chance to find out about him and Leah. "I mean, you probably get that a lot with Leah."

He swallowed and I watched his hands go tight around the steering wheel until it looked as if his knuckles might pop through the skin. "Leah and I… let's not talk about that." The edge in his voice should've been warning enough to stop.

"Ooh, so there is something there." I hid my disappointment well, or at least I hoped he wasn't picking up on it.

" _No_ , there isn't." He snapped.

I shrunk in the seat beside him, reeling from the acidity in his voice. "Ok… never mind,"

It was silent for the rest of the ride. _Two steps forward_ , I thought, _and twenty steps back_. I waited for Charlie's familiar house to come into view and avoided looking at Jacob. I could tell from the way he was still gripping the steering wheel that I'd obviously set him off, though I hadn't the faintest idea why—besides the fact that it was pretty obvious they were close and she wanted to rip my head off. Had my nosiness landed us right back at the beginning?

I sighed, annoyed. Stupid Quilette boys and their annoying mood changes. First, he had ignored me and made me feel uncomfortable, then he'd yelled at me, then he'd been nice— _charming_ , even. Now he was an ass again, lashing out and then not apologizing.

We were finally to Charlie's street and his truck pulled to the curb and idled as he waited for me to get out.

"Thanks for the ride," I muttered, slamming the door behind me as hard as I could.

I expected him to apologize or crack a joke, but he drove off without another word.

" _Shit_ ," I whispered to myself, watching him barrel down the street. And just like that, that little lotus of sadness inside grew a thorn.

so that went... not well? Jacob's a little sourwolf.


	8. Chapter 7 - Fireside

A bit more interaction between the whole pack and Ren. Plus we find out more about what Ren's relationship is like with Edward.

 _Chapter 7 -_

I didn't answer Seth's calls or texts the next day. Or anyone's, for that matter. Instead, I left my phone at home and went with Charlie fishing. The drive up was long and comfortable, with Charlie telling funny stories about my mom and humming along to his favorite tunes. I would never forget that feeling of contentedness in my bones as we drove deeper and deeper into the woods, the whole world melting away behind the tall fir trees.

We came to a clear patch and Charlie parked the car, telling me what to grab and directing me towards his favorite end of the river. It was quiet in the woods, with only the lonesome rustle of dry leaves below our feet or the sharp call of a lost bird overhead. I walked a few yards west of Charlie, a tackle and bait bucket under my arm as we neared the stream.

Charlie sat two folding chairs down beside each other on the riverbank, then dug both fishing poles into the sandy ground. I placed the tackle box on top of the cooler and then we both sat, casting our lines out into the shallow water.

"Used to come out here with Seth's dad every weekend." He told me a few minutes later as he dug around in the cooler and pulled out a can of Budlight. "We'd just sit on this riverbank and talk for hours about everything."

I smiled and turned to watch his face light up with gentle sorrow. "Seth's a really good friend."

Charlie looked over at me. "The Clearwaters always have been known to be good company." He tugged at his line before he sat back in his chair, looking exactly where he was supposed to be. "So how come you're not at the beach with Seth today?"

I shrugged and grinned. "Can't I spend the day with my favorite grandfather?"

He laughed and rolled his eyes. "Well, that wasn't a hard competition to win." Then more seriously he added, "don't know where that family went wrong."

I took a deep breath, "I don't really care. Not like I'm Edward's anything, just have a little of his DNA."

Charlie took a swig of his beer. "They don't know what they're missing out on, Renesmee. They just don't know. Don't you go around and feel bad about things that aren't your fault. Edward had choices and he made the wrong ones. But you've got me—and probably everyone down at La Push if I know anything at all."

I smiled wetly. "Thanks, grandpa. Almost everyone. Everyone but Jacob and Leah."

He snorted. "They always were raising hell together. Leah's always been kinda tough, but Jacob… I'm afraid I have to say it was your mother who's to blame for all his toughening."

"What do you mean? Jacob made it sound like it was just a little crush."

Charlie snorted. "Jacob was serious about your mom. When Edward left the first time, he was the one who made Bella herself again. Then Edward came back and Bella just forgave him for everything—broke Jake's heart."

So Jacob had downplayed everything. I'd figured.

"And Leah?" I asked, wondering what exactly my mother had done to piss her off.

"Aw, Leah's just protective, I guess. I'm sure you've seen how close they all are." Charlie suddenly jumped to his feet, yanking the pole out of the ground. He reeled fast but calmly and I watched his expert hands pull the line towards him, lifting a hefty bass from the water. "Dinner," he grinned.

When we pulled back into Forks hours later, I was surprised to see that quite a large group of people had assembled in Charlie's driveway. I recognized Seth's floppy back hair from the end of the street and then beside him, Jacob's impressive figure. As we neared I could make out Quil and Embry as well. Everyone turned at the sound of Charlie's truck turning down the street.

We pulled into the driveway and Charlie opened the door, asking Sue what all of this was about.

"Apparently Renesmee had plans she'd forgotten about," Sue told him, a hint of disappointment in her voice.

"Where have you been, Ren? We were looking everywhere for you!" Seth said, wrapping his arms around me. I rolled my eyes over his shoulder but hugged him back.

"I was with Charlie. Also, when did we make plans?"

"Last night, when you agreed to come to the beach today."

"Oh. Sorry, I just wasn't much in the mood for company today."

"I told them you were fine," Embry said loudly, the annoyance clear in his voice, yet his eyes were filled with relief. He hugged me next, squeezing me until I nearly couldn't breathe. "But seriously, Ren, next time just text."

I agreed. "I didn't realize I had to inform my keepers where I was at all times."

They ignored my comment as Sue and Charlie invited them inside for dinner. Jacob met my eyes with an apologetic expression and I told everyone I was going to shower the fish off me. Without making eye contact with Jacob, I bounced up the stairs and straight into the bathroom, leaving my clothes in a pile on the floor.

I took my time in the shower, hoping that as the minutes ticked by they would start dinner without me and that when I came down they'd—specifically Jacob—would be gone. When I had successfully washed my body three times and my hair twice, I finally shut off the hot water and wrapped a towel around me. I listened at the bathroom door for the sound of voices. There were a few muffled baritones, but nothing decipherable. I creaked the door open as quietly could, then dashed to my room, my hair dripping onto the carpet as I went.

I'd made it inside my room with the door shut and had started to take my towel off when a deep voice called out in the dark, "um before you start taking that off—"

"Holy shit!" I screamed, wrapping the towel back around me as I quickly as possible. "Jacob Black, what the _hell_ are you doing in here?"

"I was just waiting to talk to you alone—I swear I didn't know you'd be um, well—"

"Naked?!" I finished for him, reaching to turn on the light. I dug around in Bella's dresser for a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt. "You know most people don't shower fully clothed."

He looked nervous. "I-I guess I didn't think about that."

"So what did you want to talk about? And close your eyes." I watched him do as told, his tanned hands reaching to cover each eye.

"You seemed kinda pissed when we finished our conversation last night." He started, his voice muffled by his hands.

"I seemed pissed? You're the one who drove off without saying two words to me."

I finished pulling on my sweatshirt just as Jacob's eyes fluttered open. He watched me quietly, his eyes dark and intense. He stood from his spot on my bed and strode slowly towards me, each footfall heavy and decided. He stopped in front of me, his knees almost touching mine. His finger burned a straight line down my cheek as it traced the curve of it. "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I'm not good at opening up."

His touch was distracting, but I managed to focus my thoughts. "So I hit a nerve last night, huh?"

His finger froze under my chin. "Yeah, but not because of what you think. It's not like that between us."

"Between you and Leah?"

"Yeah."

"Ok."

His sigh of relief went in a hot breath across my face. "So am I forgiven?"

I smiled. "Who's to say I was even mad at you?"

He looked thoughtful. "It wasn't so much as anger…maybe more annoyance, confusion…" his voice dropped to a throaty whisper, " _hurt_."

I stared at him in confusion. "You noticed all of that from the way I ignored you?"

He smiled something between a grin and a grimace. "Trust me, Nessie. When it comes to you—there's not much I don't notice." He removed his finger from under my chin and stared at me for a moment. "C'mon, everyone's almost finished dinner and I'm starving." He took my hand in his and we started down the stairs together.

"Leave any hot water for the rest of Forks?" Seth asked as Jacob and I appeared in the kitchen.

I dropped Jacob's hand at once, my face burning. "I didn't take that long of a shower, idiot." I settled in between Seth and Embry, directly across from Jacob.

"So, how did the fishing go?" Sue asked as I set a couple spoonfuls of salad on my plate.

"I'm afraid the fish only like Charlie," I answered, grabbing a good sized piece of one of our fish we'd brought home. Sue had cut and seasoned it nicely, and I noticed that the boys had mostly finished off the other two fish.

"Nah, Ren was a natural. She's just gotta get more practice in,"

"If she sticks around, I'm sure that won't be hard to come by,"

"Speaking of sticking around, how long are you planning to stay, Ren?" Embry asked suddenly, turning everyone's attention to me. I noticed Jacob had stopped chewing and was now staring at me intently.

"Um, I'm not sure. I've got a job now, though I'm sure Sue and Charlie'll want their space back,"

"No honey, it's no problem at all. We'd rather you stay here than leave Forks,"

Seth and I glanced tentatively at each other. "Well, um, actually. I wasn't thinking about leaving, but rather getting my own place."

"And live on your own? Do you think you'd be safe?" Jacob butt in as Charlie opened his mouth.

"Well, I did live on my own before and frankly, I am old enough not to have to ask for permission. Though, Seth and I were planning on living together,"

"Well, I mean, it is a long drive for you to commute between here and La Push every day. As long as we'd still see you on the weekend—"

"You're not seriously considering this? Live on their own? They're just children,"

"We're not children, Mom. We're in our twenties you know," Seth cut in, his tone soft.

Quil and Embry exchanged nervous glances as Charlie, Seth, Sue, and Jacob exploded into a frantic argument with each other. I watched as Seth and Charlie argued with Sue and Jacob that it was our choice and we were old enough. I tried to butt in but made no progress. As their voices raised higher and higher, I did what I'd always done when Bella and Edward had argued. Those days were hazy and dim, but I could remember how I'd always handled it: leaving.

I stood from the table and walked out, slipping my shoes on in the foyer and shutting the front door behind me. The air outside was cold and had a bite to it that made me regret being in the cold with wet hair. It was a beautiful night and almost silent on Charlie's street. I wondered what my mom had done when she lived here, if she had gone to wild parties a few doors down or if she had spent all her time with Edward. I sighed. I never thought about my father much, if at all. But it wasn't fair to know that he'd gotten so much of her time when the people who'd loved her were robbed of it.

I walked without direction, just taking turns randomly, sticking near the woods. I was lost in my thoughts when I heard the trees rustling through the forest beside me. I thought it could be the wind, but the air was as still as could be. I continued on my way, knowing that it could be a deer or an elk not far off. The houses grew farther and farther apart until it was just empty space with forest all around. I walked slowly, knowing I'd have to turn back soon or cut through the woods.

The way back would be so long though, and I'd been to this clearing before by walking the path from Charlie's. I'd just have to find the right direction and I'd be back on the path immediately, and it'd probably take maybe ten minutes until I'd be back at Charlie's. I began to walk in the direction I'd thought was right, nothing but the sound of dry leaves crunching under my feet. To my right was another snap and a rustle of the trees. My head snapped in the direction of the sound, though as soon as my feet had stopped, the noise stopped too.

I continued deeper into the woods, trying to stay calm. I wasn't the type to assume some ax-swinging psycho was after me just because there were strange noises. I took a deep breath and tried to figure out if I was going the right way. The rustling and snapping followed as I walked, the sun low in the sky now. I knew I was off track a few meters because the backs of houses should've been visible now as I walked. The sound grew from an ambiguous rustling to the more specific sound of steps behind me. Too loud to be a deer, I wondered if a mountain lion was nearby. But something told me it wasn't a mountain lion. A mountain lion would've scampered off, not followed me.

I stopped walking and the sound stopped as well. My heart beat rose steadily in my chest as I started walking again, listening carefully for the sound. A few seconds later it started again, coming closer towards me. My heart hammered as I took off, racing back towards the open clearing. It would be easier to navigate and see what exactly was following me from there. A flash of black flew past me to the right, the sound of trees snapping as whatever it was flying the trees the same as me. The black shape blurred in front of me, and then another, lighter brown shape passed me to the right. It was so close I could feel its heat, but so fast I couldn't tell what it was.

I stopped short, wondering what to do. It seemed there was more than one following me, and they were now circling me. Another rushed past me, the wind from its speed knocking me on my butt. I watched as they passed by, growing closer. _What do I do, what do I do,_ I thought frantically, my heart pounding.

 _Stay calm_ , a deep voice that wasn't mine told me. _You know what to do, think_. I concentrated on the shapes and how fast they kept circling. I waited until they left a sizable gap in their circle and bolted, charging towards the meadow as fast as I could.

"Renesmee!" Seth was yelling as he entered the meadow, just on the opposite side of me. I could see Embry behind him, his lifted to the air as if he could smell something repugnant.

Suddenly a strong pair of arms was around my waist, stopping me in my tracks. For a second I feared it was one the… beasts, taking advantage of Seth catching me off guard. Then it was shaking me, and it was asking, "Are you okay? Why did you disappear like that?"

Jacob. I threw my arms around his neck and listened to the beat of his heart, erratic and out of control as it was it calmed me. "Oh, Jacob. I was so scared. What was that?"

My fright seemed to dissolve any trace of his anger. He stared into the woods with a dark, pensive look before turning back to me. "What's important is that you're safe now. Are you hurt anywhere?"

I blushed. "Just embarrassed and shaken, I guess." Something over Jacob's shoulder moved in the woods, and all of our heads turned to stare at the spot in the woods where the trees had moved. "What was it? They didn't behave like animals…" Jacob's arms went under my knees and lifted me off the ground. "Jacob, you're ridiculous, put me down."

"No," he said sternly, staring ahead as we made our way down the street. "I don't trust that you won't take off back into those woods the moment you get on your feet again."

"Fear itself is all we have to fear," I replied, kicking my legs and twisting my body. "Besides, it's not like whatever they were tried to hurt me."

"You don't know that," Jacob snapped. His eyes briefly met mine for a minute. "If we hadn't shown up you could've been nothing but shredded meat."

"Jacob!" Quil was jogging down the street, barefoot in nothing but a pair of cargo shorts.

"It's fine, Quil, we found her! Tell the others!"

"The others?" I asked, twisting in Jacob's arms to look at Seth.

"That's twice today you've caused quite the stir, Ren." Seth scolded, though the ghost of a smile was playing on his lips.

"It's not my fault you guys think I'm incapable of taking care of myself."

"It's not that you're incapable, you just don't seem to understand the danger of the situation—"

"Seth." Jacob snapped in a tone I hadn't heard before. "That's enough."

Seth's face fell but he said nothing. I stared up at Jacob, wondering how he thought he could talk to his friends that way. "Put me down," I ordered, my tone frigid.

"No."

" _Now_ , Jacob. Put me down." His jaw clenched and his fingers tightened around me. Softly I added, "I'll hold your hand. Just please let me walk. It's humiliating enough that I got lost not a mile from home."

His resolve weakened, as I knew it would. Whatever obsession Jacob had with keeping me safe, I had some power over it. He set me gently on my feet and I looped our fingers together, though my face burned. Seth fell in line beside me, his grin barely concealed.

"Guess the apartment is out?" I half-joked.

"Actually, we've come to a solution that we decided on right after you disappeared. Would you like to hear it?"

I nodded.

Seth glanced at Jacob, who remained expressionless. "There's a house next to Jacob's that just went up for rent,"

"My guest house," Jacob added.

"I thought the point of living on our own was to be free of babysitters?" I asked.

"I'm not your babysitter, Ren," Jacob cut in. I held up our attached hands as evidence to the contrary. "You'll be free to come and go as you please."

"You'd really want us so close to you?" I asked, trying to imagine Jacob bringing home pretty girls as Seth and I had movie marathons on the couch and told stupid private jokes.

"I work so much you'll hardly see me," he countered.

I turned to Seth. "And you're okay with this? With living right next to the bully?"

"It's just Jacob, Ren,"

"Could've fooled me," I muttered as Jacob's mouth twitched.

"After speaking to Charlie and Sue about this, I'm not sure they'll trust you to live on your own, even if it is next door to me,"

"You bastard," I mumbled under my breath.

"What was that?" Jacob asked, smiling.

"Fine, it's a deal."

"Fantastic."

"I'm sure it will be," I told him sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

A few minutes later we arrived back at Charlie's. Embry, Quil, and Seth disappeared into the house while Jacob and I stopped short of the driveway. He dropped my hand and I felt as though I could think clearly again.

"You know, if you really don't want to live me you don't have to."

I sighed. "No, I didn't mean to sound like a spoiled brat back there. Thank you for helping us. I'm sorry for causing so much trouble. Thank you for saving me from, well, you haven't told me—what _was_ that?"

Jacob shook his head. "I'm—it's better if you don't know. Just trust me, okay, Ren? I'll tell you when you're ready."

"I seem to be trusting you a lot,"

He smiled as if there was a secret he knew and I didn't. "It will all make sense one day."

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow," I told him taking a step towards the door.

He nodded, watching me. I stood still and then raced back towards him, throwing my arms around him once more. "Thank you, Jacob."

"You already said that," he informed me, though his arms went around my waist, almost at once.

"No, I'm not sure how—it was weird,"

"What was?"

"It was your voice in my head that told me to run, that everything would be fine. Thank you," I hugged him close, locking in the safe feeling of his arms around me a moment longer before I released him.

He stared after me as I loped back towards Charlie's, trying to hide my burning face.

more and more is happening!


	9. Chapter 8 - I'll Be Good

This is chapter 8! Ren and Seth move into the guest house and Ren and the girls discuss an upcoming trip to Seattle.

 _Chapter 8 -_

The next day Seth and I loaded the few possessions we had into the back of Seth's truck. I moved slowly, either out of a subconscious and unexpected sadness that I was leaving, or the fact that I'd been up late speaking with my Aunt on the phone. Though calls from my dad's side were few and far between, my mom had always made a point to appreciate that at least Alice always called.

As Seth and I moved our boxes out of our rooms, Sue couldn't stop crying. Charlie looked happy, though a little sad.

I hugged Charlie as we said our goodbyes. "I'll be over all the time. It'll be like I still live here."

He laughed and squeezed me back. "I'll be kidnapping you for fishing trips every now and then. Don't be a stranger,"

"I love you, Grandpa," I told him as I hugged him one last time. I gave Sue a hug and then Seth and I were skipping towards the truck, nearly racing.

The drive into Forks was easy. The sky was overcast as usual, but the clouds held, refusing to buckle and dump buckets of rain on us. I wondered how long it would last, or if we'd be carrying soggy cardboard boxes into Jacob's house. As we drove I realized I'd never seen Jacob's house, and wondered what it would be like. I imagined a one-story ranch, with minimal, mismatched furniture.

Seth turned onto an unmarked road and rolled up a steep, narrow path that was more rock than road. The trees became thicker and lined the road on either side, giving off the feeling of total seclusion. I watched in awe as we climbed higher and higher, about half a mile into the mountain. The road flattened out and a few houses appeared. As we drove down the mountain road Seth rattled off the occupants of each house.

"Here's where Embry and Quil live, and over there's Paul and Rachel, then Kim and Jared." We continued down the road until it dead-ended, leaving us in front of an impressive mountain home with a steep roof and gigantic windows that spanned from the floor to ceiling. It was so large it dwarfed the house next to it, which was situated like a guest house, though it was larger than I would've thought for one. I guessed the smaller-but-not-small house was ours. Like the main house, it was made of wood and stone, with a stacked roof and chimney. There was a small stone path leading to the front door. Both the main house and the guest house were lit up against the gloom of the cloudy skies, looking like a cozy refuge away from the foreboding weather.

We pulled into the driveway and into the garage, which connected the two houses. Jacob was standing in the doorway, his arms folded over his chest.

"Glad you made it," he said as we got out of the car, a smile on his face. He was at my side of the car instantly, his hands reaching towards me.

"You gonna carry me outta the car?"

He dropped his hands instantly, but the smile remained. I stepped out of the car and finally took a long look at the guest house, my home for the next few months at least. There was a flower box under each window upstairs, each filled with colorful wildflowers. The front door was painted bright red to match the main house.

Jacob and Seth began unloading boxes from the cab and I tried not to stare at the way Jacob's muscles rippled as he did so. With the little boxes we had, they had unloaded the truck in no time, and we walked into the guest house together, holding a couple boxes a piece. The door opened up to the kitchen and living room, which were already decorated and furnished. I was surprised that it had a homey, almost feminine touch to it.

As I took it all in I felt Jacob — and Seth — watching me. I turned to glance back at them, smiling. As I turned around again, I heard someone sigh, almost in relief.

"Wow, Jacob, you could've had a future in interior design,"

He chuckled. "I had some help from Emily and Kim when I first bought the place,"

"It's nice," I said, rounding the island in the kitchen, my finger trailing along the granite.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah,"

"Wanna see your room?"

I nodded, suddenly shy. Jacob and I had unconsciously drifted from opposite sides of the room to suddenly next to each other. As always, being near him put me on edge, as if I was walking on a live wire. He gave me an effortless smile and motioned for me to follow him.

We walked upstairs quietly. There was a landing between the two rooms with a bookshelf and an armchair, a blanket wrapped around the back of the chair. Jacob opened the door on the left and stood aside, allowing me to go in first.

It was a simple room and I loved it at once. There was a bay window with a window seat stacked full of pillows that overlooked the wooded driveway. The bed, dresser, and desk were made of carved white wood that sat nicely against the soft, muted green walls. The bedspread was white and purple with an intricate pattern, the only source of an un-simplistic design.

"You and Seth share a bathroom," Jacob pointed to the door on the east side of the room, "and there's no closet. Just a dresser — sorry,"

"That dresser is plenty big enough, thank you."

"Well, if you need to hang anything up, I've got room in my closet,"

I chewed my bottom lip, thinking. "I can't think of anything I need to hang up now, but I'll let you know. Honestly, I don't have that much anyway."

"Yeah, I noticed. We're going to Seattle next weekend if you want to go to the stores around here for stuff you can't find here,"

"Oh, Seattle," I murmured, remembering the trip Mom and I had taken when I was sixteen. "I love it there. Mom and I went once for Christmas, I thought it was such a beautiful city,"

"It's nice there — a little too big for me, though,"

I grinned and sat down on the bed, watching Seth carry in the last of the boxes through the window. I was struck by how quiet it was here, almost as quiet as my favorite spot in the woods behind Charlie and Sue's. Jacob sat down on the bed beside me, and a feeling of contentedness fell over me. The feeling of peace was so deep and sincere that I was almost exhausted by it. I felt drawn to Jacob's warmth, my head falling onto his shoulder.

"You're right," I said, yawning, "you don't get a moment of quiet like this anywhere else,"

"Ness?"

"Yeah?"

"I —"

"Jake! Jacob — Paul needs to ask you something!" I heard Seth yell from downstairs.

"And I'm off," Jacob stated as I removed my head from his shoulder and laid down on the bed.

"Yes, go ahead, I'm gonna stay right here and take a nap," I mumbled, slipping under the covers.

The last thing I heard was him whispering and the door shutting behind him.

I woke just as the sun had slipped beneath the horizon. The guest house was quiet as I laid in bed, that content, peaceful feeling of sleep in the afternoon still heavy in my eyes and chest. I rose slowly out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. I'd packed my toiletries in a box, which I found sitting on the bathroom counter. I pulled out my toothbrush and my shower things, setting them in the shower after I brushed my teeth.

It seemed like too much effort to shower but at the same time, an ache in my bones for the feel of warm water was so intense that I had stepped out of my clothes and into the shower without really thinking of it. I spent most of my time in the shower staring at my feet and letting the water run down my arms and legs, feeling like a cat lying in the sunshine.

After I had dried and dressed, I made my way downstairs. On the kitchen counter was a note from Seth saying they were all having dinner in the main house, and if I woke in time, to join them. It was seven-thirty almost, and Seth had noted the time around fifteen minutes before. I made my way across the driveway and towards the main house. Outside clouds had begun to gather, and the distant drum of thunder rolled overhead. As I stepped into the house, the low-belly murmurings of the sky broke into a loud roar.

Everyone was gathered around an oval dining table off the living room. Sam and Emily sat at one end, and Jacob and Leah at the other. Between them were all the others: Embry, Quil, Kim, Seth, Rachel, Paul, Jared, and Claire, etc. Despite that the conversation was loud as I entered, it dropped to silence as soon as the door opened wide enough to let me through. In sync, the boy's (and Leah's) gazes turned towards me, each a mix of surprise, happiness, and apprehension.

"Come on in, Ren," Emily said, despite the fact that we were technically at Jacob's.

I found myself glancing at Jacob despite myself, a silent request for permission. He swallowed whatever he was eating, then stood. "Come, I'll show you where the food is. We're having pasta,"

I followed him into the kitchen, a large but warm room. I was surprised by how many feminine touches there were to it. A few cookbooks sat organized on top of the counter, neatly arranged by color. In the corner of the kitchen was a vase of fresh lilies, arranged with a couple of tulips and sprigs of baby's breath. The kitchen was situated on a large island, on which buffet-style containers of pasta and different toppings were sitting. Jacob pulled a bowl out of the cabinet and handed it to me.

"Sorry, Embry put the bowls away. We didn't think you were coming, sleepyhead," Jacob said as he rested his elbows on the island, watching me dish up.

"Sorry," I murmured, topping my spaghetti sauce with a large amount of parmesan. "I was up late on the phone with my aunt."

"Oh,"

"Yeah,"

"I didn't know you talked to your dad's side of the family," he said as he walked around the other side of the island.

I shrugged. "I'm not particularly close to them. My aunt calls every couple months, just to keep me up to date with what they're doing."

"So is that why you came to Forks?" He was leaning beside where I was standing, close enough that I could feel the heat radiating from his arm. Like before, we had drifted together without even realizing it.

Another shrug. "It was a lot of reasons. Most of it was just that I wanted to know this part of Mom's life, I guess. Even though I barely knew Charlie when I was little, the way she talked about life here made me want to know why she'd ever chosen to leave this behind. Something about coming here just seemed natural." I glanced up at Jacob's face and instantly regretted telling him this. The very thought must've tormented him enough and I'd only brought it up all over again. I wished to swallow my words then, but all I could do was deal with the fact that they were in the open now.

He nodded, looking pained. I watched as he turned away from me, hiding his expression. He poured himself a glass of water and then returned, standing close to me again. All I could do was stare at him, wondering what he was thinking about. A second later I was engulfed in warmth, so quick I hadn't realized what happened — that Jacob had wrapped his arms around me.

His mouth was at my ear as he whispered, "just know that you have people here who care about you, ok?"

I nodded. I was hesitant to let him in, to reciprocate his warmth, considering I always felt like I was on thin ice with him. But something deep within me wanted to melt into his warmth and hold on to it, to make it stay longer. So I allowed my arms to wind around his torso and draw me into his chest. A long sigh escaped from my lips, which would have been embarrassing had Jacob let out a similar sound at the same time. Melting, maybe not yet. But something definitely thawed between us as we stood there in silence. It seemed to convey exactly how I was feeling: nervous, empathetic, longing.

"Ness," he whispered, after how long I wasn't sure, "your pasta is getting cold."

I was almost embarrassed that I'd allowed myself to stay in his arms for so long, but as I peeled away from him, Jacob was smiling like I'd never seen him before. We heated up my pasta in the microwave once again and then joined the others at the table. Their eyes followed us like they knew, and I felt like I was a school kid who'd been caught skipping class.

Quil stood, "you can sit here, Ren,"

"Oh, thanks, are you sure?"

He nodded, grinning. As I sat, he made his way to Claire, pulling her into his lap before they both sat down again.

It was quiet as I began to eat, the feeling of everyone's eyes on me. However, when I glanced up from my bowl, everyone's gazes fell away, almost comically. Feeling uncomfortable, I looked to Seth for help.

"So, Ren, Jake said you're in for the trip to Seattle next weekend. Do you think Emily will let you off work?" Everyone let out a few sniggers at this, and I cracked Seth an appreciative grin.

"I don't know," I mused, playing along, "she sure is a slave driver, you know?"

"Oh tell me about it," Sam muttered. At Emily's playful glare he repented, saying, "I'm _kidding_ , of course, babe."

Emily tore her gaze from Sam to me, grinning. "Of course you can go, Ren. You deserve some time off. I've never had anyone work so many days without any break,"

I felt my cheeks burn with her praise. "Thank you, Emily. I guess we're all set then, Seth."

"Hell yeah," Embry muttered, air-fist bumping me from across the table. "We're gonna go all out for you, Ren, show you a proper Seattle weekend!"

"Don't get too excited, they all go to bed at eight," Kim added, rolling her eyes. "Good thing you'll have Claire and me to keep you company. The boys tend to go missing,"

Jared shook his head. "We just like to do _fun_ stuff. All you guys do is shop,"

"That _is_ fun stuff, dummy," Claire said, reaching across the table to flick Jared's forehead. "But seriously Ren, we can show you some cool boutiques,"

"Which is good because Ren is going to be needing lots of cute clothes if anyone else asks for her number," Emily said, grinning devilishly.

"Asking for her number?"

"You did not mention this!"

"Emily, oh my gosh, whatever," I murmured, shaking my head. "It was one guy weeks ago and he wasn't my type," I explained, trying not to let my gaze wander inexplicably to Jacob.

"Well, he came back today when you were gone and asked if you were seeing anyone. I said to my knowledge you weren't…" It was left open-ended, almost as if it was a question. I realized everyone was listening for the answer, and that I had been set up, that this progression of questioning was intentional.

I decided to have a little bit of fun with everyone. "Oh, I'll have to set him straight next time he comes in," I said, trying to keep my voice even.

"So you are seeing someone?" Embry asked, leaning in.

"Y-yes. Uh," I glanced around, trying to conjure up a name. "His name's Thomas,"

"Oh, wow. You've never mentioned him before now. How long have you two been together?"

"Almost a year, yeah, he lives back in San Francisco,"

"And what does he do?"

"Um, he… he works on trains,"

"Thomas… who works on trains…" Quil repeated, looking confused.

Emily started laughing first, then Claire, and then Embry. Finally, Seth began to chuckle, pinching the space between his eyes. "Shit, Ren, that _isn't_ a good joke,"

"What?" Jacob asked, looking between us all.

"Yeah, okay, you caught us. We were all trying to figure out if you were single or what," Seth said, shrugging.

I grinned. "I just thought I'd have some fun with you all,"

"Ohh," Paul sighed suddenly, laughing. "I get it… _Thomas_ , who works on trains… _Thomas the Tank Engine_!"

let me know if you enjoyed!


	10. Chapter 9 - I Could Use a Love Song

**This chapter we see a softer side of both Jacob and Ren. Enjoy!**

 _Chapter 9_ -

The week passed by quickly, almost too quickly. In between shifts at the bakery and trying to organize and unpack the guest house, it seemed like I had barely blinked before waking up and finding it Thursday. Emily had given me the day off to "prepare and pack" before leaving for Seattle, and I spent the first few hours of the early morning doing just so. Kim and Claire had told me to pack a nicer outfit for one of the nights, but I told them I hadn't anything suitable for the five-star restaurant they'd described to me during a visit to the bakery.

"Oh, come on, cute thing like you — not even a cocktail dress?" Claire asked.

I shook my head no.

"Work slacks?"

I shook my head again, sighing. "I work here, and luckily, that only requires a comfy pair of jeans and the standard work tee,"

"Well, okay, how about this," Kim butted in, shifting her snoozing newborn son, Ben, on her shoulder, "we land mid-morning, so while the boys are —" she stopped short, glancing at Claire, "doing their _thing_ , we can go downtown and find an outfit for you. Besides, we'll have nothing else to do."

I nodded, grinning. In the last couple months, I'd been severely lacking girl time, and it now seemed like exactly what I needed. "It sounds perfect," I said, reaching into the display case and fixing an overturned muffin. "So you guys go to Seattle every year? Out of just tradition?"

Kim and Claire exchanged a glance. "Well," Kim began, "it's more of like an auto-shop business thing. There's a fancy dinner Friday night for all the well-earning auto-shops in Washington, and a couple meetings during the weekend — I'm not sure what about, actually. But the boys enjoy it, I think because they manage to show-off to the corporate stiffs."

Claire nodded along, grinning. "It's a bunch of hoity-toity nonsense for the most part, but it is fun to dress up and drink fancy champagne." Our giggles bothered sleepy Ben, who'd had a rough night before due to teething. He let out an aggravated wail, lifting his little head from Kim's shoulder to blink angrily at us.

"Yeah, and," Kim said once she had put a pacifier into Ben's mouth and soothed him back to sleep, "I get to leave the kids with my mom for a _whole_ weekend. Jared and I haven't had this much time alone since before Gabrielle was born — and Gabrielle is _five._ "

Claire and I laughed quietly, keeping our hands over our mouths so as not to wake Ben again.

Claire reached out a hand to stroke his soft newborn hair, "gosh are they cute though," she murmured, "Quil's chomping at the bit to have one, but I want to wait until at least we're married for a year."

"Ren, do you want kids?"

Did I? The question stalled me for a moment. "Maybe, I guess I've never considered it, it's not a decision I'd be able to make on my own without the right guy."

Kim smiled and laid her hand on mine. "You're an old soul, Ren, you'll be good for —" she stopped herself, smiling, "you'll be good for whoever comes your way."

"Thanks, Kim." And I meant it, it was a kind thing to say, but even kinder because I could hear the sincerity behind her words.

After I'd finished packing, I went downstairs in search of something to do. Breakfast and organizing the spice rack took up almost thirty minutes, then I sat and watched the morning news as I drank a second cup of coffee. I half-watched, half-listened to whatever was going on outside. It sounded like Jacob and a couple of the guys were in the garage. I could hear them talking and laughing, all the while Jacob's voice stood out the most. It was louder and clearer than the rest, and all though I could make out moments where the others talked over each other, it seemed that whenever Jacob spoke, nobody else was.

I couldn't make out what they were discussing, just the murmured pitches and tones of their voices, but it was fascinating to listen to them change. Quick and overlapping to calm and slow, careful of speaking in the space another had left. I was still listening when my phone buzzed in my robe pocket, it almost loud against the soft background noises around me.

I pulled it out without checking the ID, figuring — and hoping — it was Charlie inviting me to dinner.

"Hello?" I asked, my voice warm.

"Hi, darling," a cool, silky voice replied.

"Edward," I muttered, the warmth fading from my voice at once. I sat up quickly, sloshing the coffee inside my mug violently.

"I just wanted to talk," he replied,

"Now's not a good time,"

"You always say that when I call. I worry about you — we all do. Aunt Alice said you're in Forks?"

Shit, Alice. Why'd you have to mention it? "Uh, yeah. Just visiting Charlie for a while."

"Well that's good — anything change about that old town since I left?"

I sighed. Outside the kitchen window, Jacob had stepped into frame. I watched him laugh at something Embry said, throwing his head back and clapping his hands. "Nothing at all," I told Edward.

"Well, look, darling, I'd like to talk about you going back to school —"

"I've got a job here and I'm doing fine, I don't think I need to."

"Darling, of course, you need to. Your education is of the utmost importance. Every Cullen has received their doctorate from an esteemed university, and I'll not have you be the first to break the tradition." He kept his voice light and soft as always, the trademark tone of a Cullen. But the threat beneath his words loomed. "Even your mother would agree with that, despite her inclination to do as you please."

"Do _not_ mention her," I snapped, feeling fiercely protective. Outside, Jacob had stopped laughing and was now staring at the guesthouse, his eyebrows knitted together.

"I didn't mean to upset you, darling—"

"You will not mention her to me, not when you couldn't care enough to show up to her funeral."

The silence on the other end was tense. When Edward spoke again, his voice had lost its softness. "I cared for your mother very much, Renesmee, you know that."

"Actually, I don't. And I don't _care_ enough to get into this with you, especially when I was having _such_ a nice morning." I slammed my coffee mug onto the coffee table as I hung up, leaving Edward unable to speak. A moment later my phone vibrated again, buzzing loudly on my trembling knees.

I heard the guest house door swing open, the sound of the boys' voices from outside becoming clearer as it did so. I wiped my eyes, trying to hide the evidence that I was upset. When I looked up, Jacob was standing there, his gaze concerned.

"Morning, Ness," he said.

"Morning, Jacob,"

"So, what're you watching?" He asked, sitting beside me.

I sniffled. "I dunno, I think this is supposed to be _Good Morning Washington_ , but I haven't been paying attention."

"Ah," he murmured, watching the commercials for a second. "Wanna take a walk?"

I looked down at my pajamas and robe and turned back to him, shrugging. "I gotta change real fast, but yeah, actually, a walk sounds great."

A couple minutes later I returned downstairs in a pair of leggings and a hoodie, my hair tied behind my head in a low ponytail. Jacob was watching _Good Morning Washington_ with his arms crossed behind his head, his legs resting on the coffee table. I tried not to stare at the piece of abdomen that had ridden up, exposing his sculpted stomach. After a moment of surveying what had been hiding under his shirt, I cleared my throat, drawing him away from a story of state-wide disappearances I'd seen earlier.

"Scary, huh, all those people disappearing?"

"Yeah," Jacob murmured, looking troubled. "None near here, though," he added, grinning.

"That's true," I shivered. "Gosh — you don't think that day I got lost in the woods — ?"

Jacob shook his head as he stood, flicking the TV off. He walked towards me, stopping when there was less than a foot-space between us. He rested his hands on my shoulders, looking pensive. "You're with us and there's nowhere safer than here,"

I nodded, chewing my bottom lip. "Ready?"

I followed Jacob through the backyard and into the woods behind his house. He had made a pathway with wood planks that cut through the thick forest, leading down a steady slope towards what I could tell was the beach. We walked side by side, quiet and each lost in our own thoughts. My thoughts wondered to my father and our conversation. The rejection of him leaving Mom and I still stung, even though it was years and years afterward. It was all so confusing: being so mad at him, loving him, wanting to make him feel the way I did.

All around the trees were lush still, despite that the cold had been slowly growing. At the base of the path the dirt and dead leaves turned to sand, the sound of the waves became louder and the air turned salty and fierce with wind.

Silently, Jacob wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me towards him. We passed a rock-faced cliff without saying anything, just listening to the sounds of the wind and crashing waves. When I felt my cheeks turn wet I first thought it was rain taking us by surprise, but staring at the sky confirmed that it wasn't raining — I was crying. I stopped walking, wiping at my eyes before Jacob could notice. But it was too late, he had realized I was crying perhaps before I had.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, shaking my head. "I don't know why I'm crying —"

"You don't have anything to apologize for, this is a good spot for crying. Nobody can see or hear you here," he ran his hand up and down my arm gently. I tried to hold it together a second longer before I felt my head lean against his shoulders, burrowing myself into his embrace.

"Why doesn't he care, Jake?" I asked. "Why didn't he come to her funeral? How come she had to die and he gets to live? And how come he's still trying to make me like him — ' _all Cullen's have earned doctorates from prestigious schools_ ,'" I mocked into Jacob's jacket. I lifted my head to look into Jacob's eyes, trying to find the answers there. "And why does it even matter to me?"

He rubbed my back for a while as the last of my tears came out, the sound of his heart beating and the ocean in my ears, quiet and soothing. "Did you talk to anyone after Bella—? Like, a professional?"

I shook my head. "Yeah, once, in San Francisco. But then it became clear I needed to leave, and since I've been here, I guess I've just been managing it."

"Well, when Seth and Leah's dad died, they both had a really hard time handling it. They spoke to Dr. Allen, over in downtown Forks — they still had a hard time, still do — but it was easier to manage, I think." He was staring at me as he said this, his voice so warm and caring I almost couldn't remember that it had ever been harsh with me. "Not that I'm telling you what to do — just a recommendation — from a friend."

I nodded and stepped apart from him, crossing my arms over my chest. "A friend," I murmured. "I like it."

Jacob's mouth turned up at both corners as he turned away, beginning to walk again. We stepped in time together, leaving our footprints side by side behind us. "Listen, Ness, I've been meaning to ask you a favor,"

I'm sure the surprise was evident in my voice as I accepted, listening carefully.

"This weekend I've been invited to a dinner Saturday night with some corporate shmucks. It's standard that everyone has a date, and usually I bring Leah —" I tried not to let my stomach clench in jealousy, "but well, I was wondering if maybe, um, you'd be my — date? Just as friends, of course." Jacob was staring at our feet like his life depended on it, unwilling to meet my eyes.

I bit my lip, trying not to smile too wide. "Yeah, of course, I will!"

Jacob looked up, surprised and relieved. I had the strange desire to hug him again, but instead, I settled for one of those infectious, wolfy grins of his. Above his head, the clouds suddenly broke apart and let out a little bit of sunshine. Between his warmth and the sunshine, I was completely thawed out.

 **Love this soft side of Jacob.**


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